I feel alone. I make this post because I need words of kindness from people who can understand (but as a dutchie, I need them to be true and direct) as well. I'm mtf, 37, go out as a woman with clothing, hair etcetera, but my body is still fully cis male. Hormone treatment will not start for at least another 2 years. I started using my new name about a month ago. Colleagues are angels, my volleyball team mates are angels, my gf is an angel, but still..
Seeing my face that needs shaving, body hair, no female curves, it hurts.
My colleagues doing their best and going out of their way to apologise when the deadname me is nice, but the initial deadnaming hurts (I know it's a process and on a logical base I can respect this, this post is about my feelings).
That my female teammates allow me in their dressing room right from the moment I asked them if it was possible is great! That they prefer I do not shower there because of my still male body is completely understandable and it's not some kind of problem to shower at home, but still. I do have feelings of being let out. Of not being conpletely accepted (these feelings are irritational, I know I'm lucky with how my whole process goes).
There other things which gives me these dark feelings of being alone and let out, but I needed to get this of my chest and I just need some encouragement from people who can relate.
I will stay strong, I know I'm a beautiful woman on the inside and I will be one on the outside as well in due time. But that due is the problem at the moment...
Sorry if i use the wrong terms or if I make any spelling mistakes. I don't have anybody tot talk to about this with the same experience, I only recently figured out I am trans and English isn't my first language