AITAH for not wanting to visit my dying grandmother in the hospital for Mother’s Day?
I (34f) have been no contact with my mom’s mom for about 4 years. Before that, I was extremely minimal contact for around 12 years. With that, I was the favourite grandchild growing up; something I noticed as a teenager and tried to correct with my family myself. It failed, I have over-stretched-elastic limbs for relationships with all of my cousins and their families.
On Friday morning, one of my aunts (I have 4 aunts and 3 uncles from my moms side) called to ask me to tell my mom (who was working) that her mother was being sent to the hospital and that the move is expected to be permanent as they are struggling to keep her stable. In the evening, some family from out of town was driving through on vacation and my dad drunkenly decided every single person at the house right then was “Going to visit Nanny for Mother’s Day”. I turned away and kept my comments to myself, knowing full well my husband will be on my side, while my dad grabbed his shoulder and told him he (my father) would drag me into the car to make it happen.
My father fully supported me going no contact, but now says it’s my last chance to say good-bye.
Edit to add some NC context:
Not the first incident but Christmas when I was 18 “Hey Nanny, I noticed that I asked for a hand mixer but you got me a washer and dryer set? I’m just moving into a basement suite, laundry included, I don’t need this. But [cousin who is 10 years older with two kids and newly purchased house] could probably use it! Do you mind if I trade with her?” I was spat on and called an ungrateful b*. It wasn’t something I needed anytime soon as a college student moving into temporary housing. Slowly over time, calling on her birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc. were answered with “who is this?” And then disappointment when I said my name.
After my first child was born, she found out I had named the baby in honour of my grandfather who passed when I was 11, she made remarks about honouring the living, the dead don’t deserve it(paraphrasing, it was almost 6 years ago.) I invited her to stay with me for her first wedding anniversary after her husband died. She left 6 bunches of half eaten bananas UNDER the guest bed; she asked me not to clean in there while she was staying in there, as she liked to clean herself. I found them the day after she left as I brought her home and that was an all day ordeal with a toddler and I didn’t get back with enough energy to strip the room the same day.
I got my bachelors in English literature and even I called to invite her to watch me walk the stage, she scoffed and made the entire conversation about her not getting the chance to go to college and do these things and “it must be nice to be able to do these things”. That was the response whenever something good happened for me after the age of 16.
So AITAH for not wanting to go spend a day that’s supposed to be for me, with someone I have no interest in having a relationship or conversation with?