u/Kisseslikeamethyst

I posted the other day about my grandpa being at end of life care and how I was by his side every day for his last 2 weeks to make sure he was the most comfortable and felt the most loved before he passed. He gave me consistent love throughout my life, it was a blessing to support him in some way through this tough period. Plus. I wanted to spend every second of my day with him, it was good for me too.

My brother lives abroad but we have always been super close. Ive been there for him through everything and supported him during his current alcoholism issue and other things. I dont tend to go to him about my issues in the moment as his advice has always been very different to what I want to hear. Very much 'lower your expectations and you'll be fine'. He doesnt tend to process his feelings.Anyway, when my grandpa was nearing the end, i reached out as this time I wanted support. I just wanted to know he was there, so when I let him know he replied like 'thanks for letting me know. I'll arrange to come home soon'. My message was saying I was so sad. We are so close, its hard to watch him deteriorate ans he made it all about him. A few days later he messages me 'hope you are having a nice week :) im off on a weekend away with a girl! Catch up soon'. To which I replied no... im not. Im next to grandpa as we speak and its been so hard. We got into it, he got defensive and childish and I was trying to request he reflects and tries offering empathy and compassion.

Eventually I called him mid panic attack breaking down about grandpa. He apologised, said he wanted to be there for me and he was being selfish and self centered. I said i forgive you I just want you to be there. 3 days passes post this call (while hes away and no message) even though I messaged him the next day still sad about grandpa. No reply for 3 days.

Grandpa soon passes and he says 'forget what happened with us lets now come together to support grandpa' I said no. You let me down and abandoned me when I trusted you to be there. Ill see you at the funeral.

Funeral comes around and we barely speak. I walk along the path next to coffin audibly sobbing- my emotionally immature mother and brother hold back and don't check on me. But it's fine as its me and grandpa against the world.

The wake happens, we have an awkward run in and he asks for one of my chewing gums , gives me a hug and then goes off. Since then radio silence.

So the next day I message and say in a really calm and rational way that i felt hurt, alone and I can never feel that way again. He said we can have some dialogue soon ans get back to where we were. I said I need space and then we can discuss but no promises - ( because he hadn't done anything to fix this) . The reason I reached out as the last message I sent was hostile and I wanted to send a more rational one.

I feel angry and upset.

No apology, no empathy. No compassion. No saving when you see your sister crumbling next to her grandpas coffin.

So now I dont want to reach out when im ready to save us. Why should i?

What do you think I should do from here?

After the funeral I'm cutting contact. I have had enough.

My Grandpa and I were so close and I was there by his side for his last week. We found comfort in each other and held hands every day for hours. Im heartbroken that the last emotionally mature person in my family has left my life.

My mum and I haven't gotten along for about a year. To everyone else she is a warm and lovely person, to me behind close doors she is abusive, reactive and angry. My brothers dont see this side, just me.

When I found out he had died, she called me to tell me. I asked whats next and she started discussing paperwork. I interjected and said I didnt need to know that and I meant about his body etc and again, like always she lost it. I told her I cant hear her when shes shouting and being reactive. I told her this is why we dont have a relationship because she always shouts at me. I know from the Emotionally Immature Parents book you should never tell them but she was breaking the news about my grandpa and decided to shout at me at the same time? Its wild to me. She is a therapist too! And she cannot for the life of her regulate her emotions.

I think because I can and I can communicate calmly - it threatens her.

Anyway, after tomorrow (the funeral) im going no contact. The guilt, sickness and anger is still there. Sitting in my throat and I hate it. How long does it take to go away?

I dont feel guilty for going no contact rationally. She is abusive and narcissistic- but the child in me who anchored the relationship and kept it stable is anxious. I just need some advice/guidance. I cut off my narcissistic dad and that was easy, I barely saw him anyway but I know she will over time do guilt tactics and I just want to be immune.