Question for SPs with BKS
This ended up much longer than I expected - maybe it’s more of a vent, but I’m just curious about BP parenting…
DH and I have been together for 12 years, BM has been out of the picture for probably 10 years.
SD is 18 and SS is 16.
Early on, I took on an almost primary parent role - my husband worked insane hours (while I also worked full-time), but I was generally responsible for drop-off and/or pick-up from school, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and ensuring laundry was done.
I also enforced keeping rooms clean and other weekly chores.
I did these things because I loved DH and wanted to help him, especially after BM abandoned SKs with us (she was the full-time parent and he was weekend dad when we got together).
The problem is that DH never backed me up on anything. He basically told me to raise them how I wanted, but don’t ask him to intervene (not that he didn’t want anything to do with SKs, just that he was more prone to ignore issues - “pick your battles” he says). Which is insane because they’re his kids.
So, I backed off. SKs stopped doing chores, cleaning rooms, doing laundry. All they eat is junk food and energy drinks. They are teenagers now and they are late for school nearly every single day. DH tells them “this is ridiculous” and “if you don’t get to school on time, then <consequences>”. Does DH ever follow up or enforce the consequences? Rarely. He’s basically a broken record SKs ignore.
I don’t have kids of my own, but is this normal for BPs to not enforce rules and consequences for their kids? SD is going away to college in the fall - she is not ready to live on her own (her words, not mine). SS will go away to college next year, he is also nowhere near ready (again, his words, not mine). Don’t parents want to prepare their kids to enter the world as productive adults?
Obviously, I’m only the SM, so I don’t actually have any say in their lives - DH thinks I don’t like SKs, but I really just don’t like what he’s raised (or not raised) them to become. I want them to be successful and it makes me crazy that it doesn’t seem like DH can be bothered. Am I overreacting? Is this normal? Do BPs not enforce anything?