Hi all
I’m burnt out and honestly at the point where I don’t want to do this anymore.
My mom has been in a care home for about 2 years now (after an overdose and not being able to manage on her own). Despite that, everything still falls on me. Calls, money, logistics, decisions, emotional support.
Important context: our relationship has never been good. There’s a long history of drama, manipulation, emotional volatility, and her doing whatever she wants without thinking about consequences. So this isn’t coming from a loving, easy baseline. It is years of difficult dynamics layered on top of the current situation.
My siblings live abroad. They help financially, which I appreciate, but they’ve basically stepped away emotionally. They can’t deal with her, and with the time difference they’re not involved in day-to-day things. So I’m the one everything lands on. I’m not blaming them — but it leaves me carrying all of it.
Lately it’s gotten worse. She’s confused, tells inconsistent stories, asks for money that doesn’t make sense, calls at odd hours, and conversations just go in circles. I repeat myself constantly. Nothing sticks.
I’m exhausted. I’m not sleeping. I wake up anxious. I feel like I’m always “on”.
And the honest truth is: I don’t want to be responsible for her anymore.
I still care, but I don’t have the capacity to keep doing this — especially given our history. Every time I try to set boundaries, I get pulled back in and feel guilty.
Has anyone else been in this position where: • the parent relationship was already difficult/toxic • siblings are distant and not emotionally involved • and you’re the one stuck dealing with everything?
How do you step back without completely blowing things up or feeling like a terrible person?
Because right now I feel trapped.