I'm a very lonely mom.
There's no easy way to say this but I am drowning in loneliness. The gist of the matter is:
- I'm a FTM who's also doing her PhD in chemistry. My workload is grueling, and I make use of every minute I get that's not dedicated to my baby to this. Pooping? I'm editing my paper. At the park? I'm mentally thinking of my methodology. I try to be as present as possible, and I don't use my phone (we are a no screen household) when I'm around bebe, but between him being a high-needs toddler (still breastfeeding, co-sleeps, and cannot be left alone for even a millisecond), and a workload that only knows how to expand.. I'm doing my best.
- I'm in a city I'm not native to, we've been here for three years now but I still don't have a village. My PhD buddies are in a different stage of life (early 20s, single, focused on grad school as opposed to me who's in my early 30s, has a husband and baby), and the friends I used to have are either similarly in a different stage of life or on the other side of the world. Nobody warned me how difficult it would be to maintain adult friendships, and it seems like with my PhD and baby, I don't have the capacity to care.
- My husband whom I love dearly works non-stop. He works in finance, so the hours are stupid.
I am so grateful for my life, yet I can't get past how lonely I feel. I used to have a crippling shopping addiction but ever since my baby arrived I've left that behind. I found that many times that habit got in the way of being present with my baby.
It sounds so.. so silly to say but I want friends, but I really don't have the capacity to go to meet-ups, and I don't have the brainpower to invest in curating people who are in the same life stage, same interests, etc.
Sorry, just venting. I know this isn't very attractive to ask at this point but if you'd like a mom friend to chat with every now and then for a low maintenance friendship, please hit me up.