u/Kitchen_Industry4947

Hi all, I was dating the host of a system for 7years but recently broke up, about 2 months after breaking up I started dating an alter in the system we will call her B, and then a month after that an alter that recently went through the process of finding themselves completely like their gender etc confessed he liked me from the moment I met the hos( but I didn't know she was a system until 4 yrs in) and loved me for the last 3 years, we will call him D

Now I'm 3 months into dating my girl B and 1 month into dating my man D, and I absolutely wouldn't change it for the world

The things I struggle with is :

Still being very much inlove with the host but she won't date me again for as long as I'm with the others- which I understand she's not Polly and I'd never make her do that. I just feel like a shit person because I don't see myself not loving B and D

Not seeing D for days at a time as they are a gatekeeper/ Liberian so they are busy with system stuff daily

Leaving messages for B and D and the host seeing them and it makes her upset

I see B nearly everyday as she's Co-host and is up when needed, which is good

Now I know what happens in the system affects all because like they all have to live through it together as a family

We have been trying to find a way where we can create each alter in there an avatar but not sure where to start

I feel as if sometimes I can't leave messages for them because of the way it affects the host because I know she is inlove with me still too

I just found out that B and D want to propose to me which melts my heart

My question really is how does one manage not seeing their partners in the system much?

What are ways I could communicate with them I have an app on my phone of the system that I thought about leaving them messages there instead

Like I miss them both deeply but I understand how a system runs due to the amount of research I've done into DID so I'll never be upset or blame the host for when I don't hear from them for a while either

Okay so I'm just looking at some advice on how to help alters process trauma and like wanting to see if having like a discussion with others alters in the system and how they process their own trauma would be beneficial?

I was dating the host of the system, and she struggles to be able to process or cope with daily life or her trauma, and I know inside the system the alters are always working on their own trauma they have, and part of me was wondering if they shared how they process/deal with their trauma and trigger could it be helpful for the host

I am dating 2 others in the system and I watch how they handle life and everything like that and I just want the same for the host as all I see is her struggle every day