I’m 27M straight, have never been in a relationship, and haven’t had sex since I was a teenager when I realised that casual sex didn’t do it for me and I wasn’t actually attracted to the girls I’d been with (later discovered what demisexuality was and felt it fit). Whilst I feel like I do have a libido, I decided that I would rather wait to find someone I genuinely had feelings for and felt attracted to.
Funnily enough as a demisexual this didn’t occur until my early twenties when I got particularly close with one of my female friends and it was like a switch at some point suddenly flicked in me and I really wanted to be with her. Unfortunately she only saw me as a friend, and me being slightly confused at having these feelings and attraction for the first time in my life let the friendship fizzle out as I became quite uncomfortable with how I was feeling. Following this I did a bit of research because I didn’t like the intensity of my feelings, and learnt about the asexuality sprectrum and felt that my experience was best attributed to being demisexual.
Until more recently I hadn’t experienced those feelings again, and whilst there have been times I’ve felt lonely and probably sexually frustrated, especially when I compared myself to friends, I tried my best not to let it bother me. But a couple of years ago I met a girl who I fast became good friends with, our sense of humour clicked and we shared some similar interests, and over time started to get feelings for her.
Initially it was definitely more in just a romantic sense, i didn’t have any real desire for her in a sexual way, and was quite happy to continue our friendship as it was. She did realise that I liked her, and we had a conversation where she expressed that whilst she liked me as her friend and said I was a good looking guy, she couldn’t see it as anything more. I was completely fine with this and discussed with her how I wasn’t really a sexual person and valued her as a friend more than anything else.
Over the last year though, we became really close as friends, sharing more personal and emotional experiences with each other and would cuddle up together etc when we’d chill together. The problem is that switch suddenly flicked in me again in the past few months, and it’s like I now see her as the most attractive person in the world and cant stop thinking about her.
Despite knowing that she didn’t see me in that way, I’ve been honest with her and whilst she is understanding and assured me she still wants me as her friend, I am struggling with these feelings right now. It’s like I’ve suddenly got this urge for sex, but only with her and I don’t know how to direct that energy as I really don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’ve had other friends suggest that I actually just go and try and meet someone else, but that honestly doesn’t really appeal to me, and as someone who has never dated I don’t think I’d know where to start anyway.
Would appreciate if anyone here had any advice with dealing with these sudden feelings, or has been through similar situations? Thanks!