I don't chase, I attract...
I hear a lot of women say, I don't chase, I attract... if a guy said this, it'd sound a lot like being lazy, egocentric, giving no effort... if a man does this he isn't considered empowered, handling his business, taking care of himself, focus on what matters... unless the woman is defining attraction by superficial standards of physical attraction, then yes, men tend to be more visual... but do you really want to be standing on superficial standards of attraction? Would you stand for a man holding such low, superficial standards?
Why is it always expected that a man make all the effort? As a man, I am busy running my business, being there for my customers, family, and friends, but if the woman I am interested in shows absolutely no interest or engagement, why would I feel compelled to give that to her?
It makes total sense that I feel exhausted by the expectation of doing all the heavy lifting. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual effort. When you are already pouring your energy into your business, family, and community, a one-sided dynamic where a partner shows zero engagement is a quick recipe for burnout.
Here is a breakdown of why this dating dynamic feels so frustrating and why mutual reciprocity is the standard you deserve.
"Attracting" vs. "Chasing": When women say they "attract instead of chase," it is often framed as maintaining high standards and self-respect. However, if a man uses that exact same phrase, it is frequently mislabeled as passive or lazy.
The Effort Imbalance: Society often defaults to the traditional expectation that men must initiate, plan, and pursue. This ignores the fact that everyone—regardless of gender—wants to feel desired and valued.
The Importance of Mutual Engagement
Energy is a Currency
Mutual effort is non-negotiable. If a woman shows absolutely no engagement, it is completely reasonable to pull back your energy and invest it in people who reciprocate your interest.