u/Kittyxoxoxoxo

I am immensely struggling in my life… within a month I have lost my mother (she passed away suddenly), my father was never actually my father and he kicked myself and my son out of my mothers home, my brothers are vulnerable adults under their fathers care and will not speak to me anymore, and I broke up with my boyfriend who I saw a beautiful future with and thought we were building together. I am struggling to make sense of everything and even look forward. I struggle to know if my mom is even around me anymore or if I lost her forever… please any guidance or support is appreciated… everyday feels like a nightmare I cannot wake up from and my soul is exhausted 💔

I’m really struggling to make sense of the end of my relationship, and I’d appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have experience with avoidant attachment.
My ex (26) and I (27) had been together for about a year and a half. Before dating, we’d actually been friends for around eight years, so I felt like we already had a strong foundation. I have a five-year-old son whose father passed away in a motorcycle accident in 2024, so becoming part of our lives wasn’t just about dating me—it also meant slowly becoming part of my son’s life. In the beginning, he approached me and expressed he was ready to settle down and start a family… I don’t think he understood how much sacrifice that would require.
Throughout our relationship, he was very affectionate when we were together. He’d tell me he loved me, talk about a future, and sometimes reassure me that I was “always his.” But when life became stressful, he seemed to emotionally disappear.
The hardest part is that my life completely fell apart over the last couple of months.
My mom unexpectedly passed away. I was suddenly grieving, dealing with probate issues, trying to find housing for myself and my son, packing up my childhood home, worrying about finances, and trying to keep working. It felt like every part of my life was collapsing at once.
During all of this, I desperately wanted my partner to lean in emotionally. Instead, it felt like he leaned away.
He continued spending weekends golfing, playing softball, and making plans with friends while I was drowning. He did help in some ways—he got us a hotel room while I was displaced and spent some time with us—but emotionally, I never felt like he truly stepped into the role of a partner. I often felt like I was fitting into his life rather than us building a life together.
One thing that really hurt me was how he talked about the future. He’d talk about buying his house, his plans, his goals, and his weekends. I kept waiting for conversations that sounded like “our future,” especially after a year and a half together and with my son involved. They rarely came.
I started feeling lonely inside the relationship.
As I became more overwhelmed, I also became more emotional. I asked for reassurance more often. I questioned where we were headed. I probably came across as anxious because I genuinely needed comfort.
Eventually we had an argument, and he told me:
“Honestly Emily, I can’t do this anymore.”
That was the last real conversation we had.
He left shared group chats, stopped reaching out, and never tried to repair things.
What hurts the most isn’t just that the relationship ended—it’s how quickly it seemed like he could shut the door and move on. It’s hard not to wonder if someone can spend a year and a half telling you they love you and then simply detach.
Looking back, I also wonder if I ignored warning signs.
He loved me, but I don’t know if he was ever truly ready to build a family. My son was always important to me, yet I often felt like I was hoping he’d naturally become more involved instead of seeing what was actually happening. I kept believing that once work slowed down or life got easier, we’d finally become a team.
Now I’m left wondering whether that future ever really existed outside of my own hopes.
For those who identify as avoidant—or who have dated someone avoidant—does this sound familiar?
Can avoidant partners genuinely love someone and still walk away this completely?
Is it common for them to emotionally detach before the relationship officially ends?
Did my need for reassurance during an incredibly difficult period push him away, or was I asking for what any committed partner would reasonably provide?
Has anyone had an avoidant partner come back after something like this, and if so, what happened?
I’m trying to understand whether this was an attachment dynamic, incompatibility, or simply someone who wasn’t ready to build the kind of life I wanted.