Sometimes I Forget How Sad I am
My (39F) husband passed away 2 years and 4 months ago. My grief has been complicated. He was sick for a long time and I started grieving before he was gone. I’ve been rebuilding my life and moving forward. My daughter (7), work, and grad school keep me busy. I have close friends and family who have been there for me. Overall, I’m doing ok and look forward to the future.
However, sometimes it hits me how sad I really am. Sometimes I forget how much pain I’m really in beneath all the distractions. It builds up and surfaces in fatigue, body aches, the aversion of even thinking about loving someone else. Tonight was one of those nights it really caught me off guard. Saying and thinking out loud how sad I am, that dull ever present ache. Not as sharp as it once was, but lingering and chronic.
Tonight I’ll lay with me tears.