u/KnownElephant208

I deleted my post history, because my only post was asking about something regarding my kid (detailed enough), and i want to remain anonymous. I might delete this post too, idk 🥲

I'm so sad to have to ask this. I love my kids daycare and they have been so great. Ive loved her past teachers, and these new ones seemed fine too.

Im hoping maybe I dont know enough and im just wrong. I did submit an anonymous complaint already to the Department of Health & Human services (utah). But no answer yet since i just did it; i put an anon email in case they needed the video (I downloaded it).

My childs toddler teachers posted a video of the kids doing freeplay. They do some structured and some more relaxed activities, and they post things throughout the day on the daycare app.

In the background of one video form today, you can clearly see a teacher carrying one of the 2 year olds by the wrist only; kid is completely dangling in the air, feet not even close to the ground. The room isnt that big and the video is very clear. Not sure if the kid had a potty accident, but the teacher looks very stern faced and is kind of angrily fast walking to where the door is, carrying that kid (you cant see the door, I just know the door is there). A different teacher uploaded the video than the one carrying the kid by the wrist. I dont think she noticed because she was focusing the video on the kids that were playing, idk.

Im not sure if maybe its allowed if the kid is soiled, and maybe she meant it so as to not get her clothes soiled? Im not ok with it, and i would be even more upset if it was my kid. I guess im just hoping I haven't been keeping my kid at a shitty daycare this whole time

I reported it since I obviously am not equipped to investigate this. Just so they'll browse the cameras and make sure it wasnt something that is illegal.

Throwaway account to remain anonymous.

My ex is not going, it would just be his mom and step dad. Our daughter is 3 and a half. They want to take her to a resort in Mexico, early 2027; the whole family is going except my ex (hes for sure not going).

No passport yet, but when we get her one, my paperwork says I keep it until my ex needs it for an approved vacation. I actually would have no problem with all this if he was going too.

My custody paperwork says the other parent needs to approve vacation requests (by the vacationing parent), and be provided full itinerary. However, it has no wording for grandparents, when no parents are going on the trip.

I want to decline this request, but would it get me in trouble in court?

Almost 0 chance my ex will take it to court, even though hes angry ive said no to the vacation (i did say id think about it, which i have, and i still think no). He always threatens court, yet im the only one who had a lawyer (retainer now used, also my lawyer retired this year). He told me he's going to take me to court and have them make me pay his lawyers fees when he finds one.

I have reasons i dont trust his family with our kid. There was one instance where his mom asked me if it was ok to drive her without a carseat, I said hell no. I went to pick her up from her instead. My ex had left her to visit his mom, and didnt leave a carseat for some reason. She asked me thinking I would be ok with her driving her somewhere without it.

Theres many other instances where grandma is too comfortable and bypasses basic safety, as many grandparents do, but they were conversations not in text... i do have one more in text, when his mom asked me if they could take our daughter kayaking (riding with grandma) and she thought no lifejacket was ok because she (grandma) could swim; baby was like 7 months old. I get it wouldve been cute, but just bypassing basic safety measures is crazy to me. Im not comfortable with them taking her anywhere without my ex there. If he was going, i would approve it in a heartbeat.

But I dont see me being comfortable with her going on vacation with grandparents until mid to late teens, depending on when i can be sure she knows to follow safety rules regardless of if her grandparents dont.

If i dont approve this, would i be seen as difficult and have to pay his lawyer fees? Theres basically no chance he will want to go to court, and no way he can pay lawyer fees (for me to later be forced to pay him back). He doesn't have the money to retain one.

If he does try, ill retain a lawyer ASAP. But im waiting for him to do more than give empty threats, before I go spend 5-7k on a retainer again.

For reference, my retainer was spent on us agreeing to everything on our custody paperwork, with periods of weeks where he would be difficult, make it seem like we were going to court, and then him backing down and agreeing last second.

I stayed consistent with what I wanted from the start. I have 60% custody, I was open to 50% (40% is the most he could do). I have the medical decision tie breaker, the rest is standard stuff. He fought hardest the rule we have where new romantic partners can't meet our child until 6 months of dating. Theres always a new one, and for some reason he was super offended he can't introduce them to our kid right away. Idk why, idc. He let that go and now thinks its a good idea (even told me hes glad we put that rule in). Now he's furious and arguing with me about this.

Last year I approved him taking her two states away without any issue. Although he doesnt see it that way, im literally only saying no because i don't think his family is safe enough.

I did tell him if he goes ill approve it. Hes a pain in my a*s, but hes a safe and dedicated dad. But he said no, "i don't want to go, and that doesnt mean you can just say no".

If i say no, what potential problems could it result in, if any?