"let yourself consider the 1% chance you're wrong"
someone actually said that to me that this week. because i told them i was asexual (and aromantic) when they clearly had a crush on me.
so for context, i've (25F) been fairly open about at least being queer as long as i've identified as asexual (10-ish years now). it was a major struggle in high school to find a way to describe myself when i didn't have the word yet; i would try and force myself to have crushes on my classmates so when i finally found out about asexuality, i knew that was what i am! i usually wear a tiny rainbow pin on my jacket to subtly show off my pride because i feel it easier to describe myself as queer instead of asexual (blame our hyper-sexualized society not being familiar with asexuality, i guess), and that pin got the attention of a guy who i met a week ago. this guy was clearly VERY interested in me romantically from the moment we met (i've had to awkwardly shoot down many men before; i can tell lol) so once he asked about the pin and if i was gay (to which i answered no) i then added that i was asexual. that apparently broke his brain.
over the next hour, i heard things like:
"is this a permanent thing?"
"have you heard of demisexual? do you think you're that?"
"do you think you'd ever change your mind?"
"you know, human sexuality is a construct, so i don't think asexuality is real."
of course, i wasn't very talkative for the remainder of the day, because who wouldn't be if you were told that asexuality literally "wasn't real" to preserve the idea that you're actually interested in sex and romance?? so once i went home i received a few texts about what happened that day in which i was told to consider that after a decade of FINALLY having a word that describes me and my place in this world, that there's a 1% chance that one day i'll suddenly wake up ready to have sex with this guy. because i should consider that i'm wrong about a decision i made. about MYSELF. 10 years ago.
i've now been asked if we could be in an "asexual relationship" (he also literally acknowledged i was aro in this same message: what?) and that "there's a person out there for everyone" and seemingly everything in the fake How To Fix An Asexual playbook allos love to pull from. at least the other men i've had to shoot down understood the assignment and backed off without questioning me. this is just... exhausting and super hurtful to hear someone say that asexuality isn't real because it's a barrier between them and me dating or whatever. i might just lie to every man i meet after this and say i have a fake canadian girlfriend so the conversations end there instead of escalating into horrible aphobia.