Struggling to find motivation to keep playing
Not really sure what this post will be but I guess we’ll find out lmao.
I want to start this off by saying that music has always been what I’ve loved. Ever since I was little dancing with my dad to his records, to seeing a symphony poster and telling my mom I wanted to play violin on the big stage like that guy, it’s been something I’ve always loved and I’ve worked hard to play it as much as I can.
My main (and favourite to play) instrument right now is trombone and next year I will be a senior in high school, hopefully going to music school following that. Little note is that my main interest is jazz but I also try to play a bit of classical as I love lots of that music as well.
I’m making this post as a sort of “cry for help” as while this has always been a problem with me, recently it’s been affecting me more. I’ve been told if I stay at it I’ll have a successful career and that I’m close to the higher end of people from where I am that have gone into music. Even with all this and always having friends say stuff like “ooh you’ve improved so much” and “you sound so good” I just can’t hear it in my playing (which I think is common in musicians and not really the main focus of this). I also compare myself a lot which also affects this.
The main point of this post though is as follows: I’m trying to find advice or anything that will help me find my love for this again.
I find it hard to even start practicing and when I do I either don’t know what to practice, or just can’t stand to play for very long. I find that I’d much rather spend time with friends, playing video games, or anything else. I’m not gonna act like I never practice, because I do and I know that if I want to do this as my job I need to work hard for this but I can see I’m not putting nearly enough effort into this. I also find that I only feel good about my playing when validated by people I look up to (mentors, other older musicians, etc).
I am truly sure that this is what I love (especially as I am interested in going into literally nothing else even though I do well in school and “like” some of the subjects iykwim) and what I want to do for the rest of my life. I really can’t even imagine myself in a life without music. This is why I am so conflicted and so confused as to my lack of motivation and ability to practice.
I pretty selfishly don’t want to chalk this up to laziness which is probably why I’m posting this, but regardless I’d appreciate any advice anyone has to offer (or their own stories).
Sorry if this whole thing is rather random, scattered, or not detailed enough I’m typing this up fast on my phone before I shower lol.
Thanks to everyone in advance and for reading this!