u/Koala_Mama0404

Or do you let your husband handle it?

What about if you have “our” children that are witness to the behavior?

I’m so tired of feeling so much unrest in my own home. I’ve been in my step kids lives for over 10 years. 10 YEARS. They are 15 and 13, so the majority of their lives. They’ve lived with my husband and I full time during the school year for the last 4 years, weekends with their mom, summer with their mom and weekends with us. And somehow each school year and each Sunday afternoon feels like we’re starting from scratch. Like this is the first time they’ve been here.

My husband was a very laid back parent for a long time and their mom isn’t much better. But somehow, since we are the “school” house now and the house with rules, we are the bad house. The house they don’t want to be at. The one where we’re mean and how dare we ask about school and how dare we expect them to do well. I’m so over it. I am so tired of the arguing and talking back and disrespect, and tonight, after trying to keep my mouth shut and stay in my lane, I lost it on my stepson. Then, my husband THANKS ME for saying something and I’m like “why do I have to?? Why do I have to get in the middle of it?? Why do you allow him to talk to you like that??” And then I’M the bad guy to my husband. Because he’s just feeding into the mouthing off and the back talk from my stepson in the common area of the house where everyone can see and hear, INCLUDING our 5 year old!!

So now my husband is mad at me, per usual. I am the bad guy to my stepson, per usual, our ours child got a front row seat to the whole thing, and now we’re just going to wake up tomorrow and go on with our week like it’s a normal freaking Monday. Except there will be a dark cloud hanging over my husband’s head all week because he “can never do anything right” and “no one listens” to him.

It’s like every year it gets worse. Every school year we have to start from square one with them. UGH.

I am newly pregnant (almost 6 weeks) with my second baby and I am SO nervous to tell my stepkids. SD15 and SS13 were excited when I had my first child (DS5) but a lot changed in our household after he was born. I turned most of my attention to my son and I did not do a good job of putting extra time into my stepchildren. They live with my husband and I full time during the school year and weekends during the summer.

When I had my son, I was a first time mom and put my everything into him. I still do, but as he’s gotten older and more independent, I’ve had more time to do other things and try to make those special moments with my stepkids. Before he was born, all my attention was on them whenever they were with us and they had a hard time adjusting when it wasn’t.

My stepdaughter has made multiple comments over the years about how she doesn’t want anymore siblings (she is the oldest of 4, 3 with her mom and 1 with me) and I’ve always said “the shop is closed” in response. For the past few years my husband and I didn’t want another kid but he’s done a lot of growing and we’re at a better place in our marriage and decided we wanted one more.

I don’t know how to tell them that I’m pregnant again. I’m nervous that they’re going to be unhappy and I don’t react well to unhappy. I am nervous that they’re going to made ugly comments or they’re going to be resentful. On the other hand, I believe DS is going to be so excited and an amazing big brother. He’s going to have a hard time not being my center of attention, but he’s so sweet and caring that I’m not worried one bit about his reaction.

Has anyone had a sticky situation with telling their stepkids that you’re pregnant? Did it get better? What worked for you?