Our friend wants to experience snowball daw. We're looking for someone who can let him experience that. Pa-try niyo sa kanya pls @@privluppp on t*tter. He's new to this so be nice.
About him: 29, Nerd.
Problem/Goal: Genuine question kasi first time ko to at 30 years old. Jusko. Ngayon ko lang na experience yung ganitong klase ng connection. Lagi akong napupunta sa situationships, mabilis na attraction, instant chemistry, o mga taong sobrang expressive agad. So ngayon nalilito ako kung ano ba talaga yung healthy slow burn.
Ano ba talaga yung pakiramdam kapag healthy yung pace? How do you know if things are naturally progressing versus one sided lang pala or friendship lang talaga?
Context: Sanay ako sa connections na mabilis. Yung tipong ilang linggo pa lang, alam mo na agad kung anong meron. May labels, may landi, may intensity, may pressure.
Pero ngayon parang iba. Hindi siya overwhelming. Hindi rin siya boring. Parang dahan-dahang nagiging parte ng araw mo yung tao without either of you forcing it. May sarili kayong buhay, may kanya-kanyang ginagawa, pero somehow nagkakaroon ng space para sa isa't isa.
What's weird is that I'm not even sure if this is romantic feelings developing or if this is just what emotional safety feels like.
Previous Attempts: I've tried dating people na:
Pero most of those connections also burned out just as fast. So ngayon nalilito ako. Kapag healthy ba, mas kalmado talaga? Normal ba na hindi mo mabasa agad yung tao? Normal ba na parang hindi kayo nagmamadali pero somehow mas nagiging importante kayo sa isa't isa over time? At bakit parang mas nakakakaba yung slow burn kaysa sa instant attraction?
Problem/Goal:
I just want to share this because ang bigat bigat na talaga. I think this is the most painful breakup I’ve ever experienced kasi walang cheating, walang third party, walang nawalan ng pagmamahal. We loved each other until the end, but somehow we still lost each other.
Context:
5 days ago, the guy I love ended things between us because napagod na siya sa paulit ulit naming maliit na arguments. We were in a situationship for almost 6 months. Push and pull kami most of the time because he felt like hindi ako interesado sakanya. And honestly? Totoo naman nung una. I kept convincing myself na hindi ko siya gusto because what we had felt too unreal for me and di siya pasok sa standards ko. Ang hirap paniwalaan na someone could actually love me that gently after everything I went through before.
But habang tumatagal, narealize ko na in denial lang pala ako. Gusto ko na siya. Mahal ko na pala siya. Pero dahil sobrang genuine nung connection, I unconsciously kept pushing him away because I was scared. Takot akong mawala siya. Takot akong maulit yung sakit from my past relationship where I got cheated on.
The first day of no contact was hell for me. I cried nonstop, couldn’t function properly, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Then the next day, I found out na hindi ako ggraduate this July because I failed one of my course audit subjects. Working student ako, so sobrang dinurog ako ng balitang yun. Imagine losing the person you love tapos kinabukasan mawawala pa yung inaasahan mong graduation.
Previous Attempts:
We actually tried so hard to make things work. We communicated, reassured each other, apologized, and kept choosing each other kahit emotionally draining na minsan. Pero eventually narealize namin na we were trying to love each other habang pareho pa kaming may dala dalang trauma.
He triggered my fear of inconsistency because updates were a huge issue sa past relationship ko due to cheating. Meanwhile, siya naman sobrang affected sa conflict and hurtful words because of his own past wounds. So everytime one of us got triggered, nadadamay yung isa hanggang sa nauubos na kami pareho.
After 5 days of no contact, I suddenly had this urge to call him just to check on him. I called him 6 times and on the 7th call, he answered. Ang comforting at ang sakit marinig ulit boses niya.
I told him gusto ko ibalik toothbrush niya, but honestly I just wanted to see him because I missed him so much.
We met at the second coffee shop we ever went to together. And for the first time in a long time, wala kaming away. Walang sumbatan. We were just happy together. We laughed, teased each other, had dinner, took our last picture together, shared our last kiss, and hugged each other so tightly like we both knew we were about to lose something important.
He admitted he kept thinking about me everyday during no contact and kept fighting the urge to reach out. I told him I felt the same.
Before we separated, umiyak ako and sinabi ko:
“Ang hirap.”
Then I told him I love him one last time.
And he said:
“I love you too, love.”
Before going home, I sent him my final message. Lahat ng realizations ko nandun. Then I told him after reading it, please don’t reach out anymore unless emergency because I know we both need to heal separately this time.
This breakup hurts so much because we didn’t lose each other due to lack of love.
Wrong timing lang talaga kami.
Two wounded people trying to love each other habang sugatan pa rin from things they never deserved in the first place.
Shinare ko lang guys kase mabigat, but if ever mag cross landas namen ule? I hope we'll be better para sa isat isa if may chance man ule.