The things I’ve learned are staggeringly painful.
This was exhausting to write, so it will probably be exhausting to read, be careful.
There was a time only 5 years ago or so when I genuinely I believed I was an ex-Mormon/Formon… I also genuinely believed I left the Church for logical, moral, historical, scientific, racial, & sexual reasons. The last one was actually pretty big, & despite a lot of trauma…I sort of had this intense internalised self hate & shame towards my own feelings about sex. . . I believed that my mother couldn’t possibly be evil, or a predator, or anything one that. No, I rationalised that she must have been brainwashed, manipulated, ignorant…anything…That she either didn’t know what had been done to me, or that she believed it was some lesser evil as opposed to letting me be myself… Over the years the things I’ve learned, & remembered are so horrific, so nightmarish..
I was first informed that I had scars inside me proving I had been violently violated as a child in my single digits. That it was repeatedly & over a prolonged period of time. Then I got DNA tests. I’m stolen. I share 0% DNA with most of the people this evil witch told me I was related to, including her & her actual kids that she told me were my brothers & sister! She lied to me about everything…I used to blame myself & banked everything about my self worth on the fact that I had chosen not to have kids. I used to really see myself as genuinely inferior because I didn’t get married, & make more possible victims for her evil cult. Now I know that she was never ever my mother in any sense of the word & that she stole me from someone or somewhere.
I also learned I’m intersex, which made all of the self hate, doubt, & inferiority I had felt for decades of my life was ALL FOR NOTHING! I won’t write specifically about why in this OP…
I also know that you won’t find anything connected to real God or their agents in Mormon Church in all but the most exceptional of cases, & those cases would probably not even be recognised by most Mormons for what they actually were/are…