Langdon's Recovery Journey
To be clear: I don’t believe for a moment that Langdon is some remorseless sociopath who doesn’t care how many people he hurts, as long as he’s able to get away with his crimes and pretend that he didn’t do anything wrong. On the contrary, I’m operating under the assumption that he’s a good person who did a bad thing. Also, season 2 only portrays his first day back, so he might end up showing improvement during season 3. There’s just a certain aspect of his recovery that’s been irking me (and if I recall correctly, some of you have touched on this same aspect within the comments of other posts). I’m curious about what you guys might think, and I’m too scared to post this on either of the two main subreddits!
I’m wondering if Langdon has already been set up to fail in his substance use disorder recovery process, and in his overall journey towards being his best self. Here’s context as to why:
If he’d approached Robby from the start and asked for help when he first became dependent on the painkillers for his back, then he would’ve been able to enter the Pitt’s Physician’s Health Program. He’d be in the same position he’s in now, but in this imaginary scenario, his recovery (and his continued career as a physician) would’ve been built on a foundation of accountability and truth. Unfortunately, the fictional “reality” is that Langdon made a conscious choice to try and self-treat his withdrawal by stealing benzos from the hospital. While I have compassion for the fact that nobody ever intends to develop SUD, people are still responsible for the bad choices they make while in active substance use, and Langdon made a very bad choice that also happened to be a serious crime.
It’d be one thing if he stole from friends/family members, or broke into a house, or something like that. Langdon’s place of work is a setting where people’s lives are on the line every day, and he tampered with vital medications; though we’ll never know how much damage he might’ve done, there’s a very real possibility that patients were seriously harmed (or maybe even passed away) because their meds were contaminated and watered down by a doctor who was supposed to help them.
Even though Robby did the right thing by removing him from the ER once Santos’s claims were proven true, he was duty-bound to tell the hospital board the entire truth about Langdon’s misdeeds. After giving that ultimatum about entering rehab, Robby decided to conceal the theft/tampering. The worst parts of what Langdon did were covered up, which means that he got away with committing a crime. From the season 1 finale onwards, Langdon’s situation basically has deceitfulness baked right into it. He’s gotten through rehab/counseling and all that, but with his PHP, the crucial part of what took place was conveniently left out, and continues to be left out.
From what I understand, some key parts of the recovery process are:
-Openly confessing that he has a problem (he’s done this, as far as we know)
-Taking a long hard look at where, when, how, and why he got to the point he eventually reached (he’s done this, as far as we know)
-Making a commitment to living life with integrity and honesty, and acknowledging how his actions while in active substance use hurt other people (he’s only done this to a certain extent)
Langdon has possibly already told his therapists and fellow patients from meetings and rehab the entire story about how he stole/diluted drugs and abused his power in the ER, and if he has, then that’s great. However, there’s still the issue of his standing as a doctor. The Powers That Be in the medical world have only been told about his SUD, and given the magnitude of what they have not been told, his good deeds are somewhat tainted by him keeping his job under false pretenses. Plus, the Langdon we’re shown in season 2 is a man who (allegedly) wants to work his program, practice integrity, and be his best self. He claims to be following the twelve steps of recovery, and part of those steps is accepting responsibility for one’s actions notwithstanding the personal cost. But he’s been forced into a position where he can’t and/or won’t be fully honest because his most egregious and harmful wrongdoings were covered up.
I understand why Langdon isn’t going to HR and bringing them up to speed: he’s human, and he’s scared of whatever punishment he might be given for his misconduct (and for his participation in the subsequent cover-up), so he’s avoiding it altogether by lying… not just to HR, but to most of his colleagues too. A lie by omission is still a lie, and as it stands right now, an ongoing lie by omission is the foundation of his continued career as a doctor, and it may even be the foundation of his overall recovery. I’m wondering if this continued cycle of denial and dishonesty could make him feel stuck, or if it could push him towards intense guilt. These things might then eventually lead to a relapse (or to the full truth finally blowing up in Langdon’s face, turning into something worse than whatever would’ve happened if he’d just owned up to everything in the first place).
Will he ever be able to truly feel good about himself, work at his highest confidence level, or be able to sincerely live as a genuinely good person as long as he keeps hiding such a monumental secret?
To quote Dr. Ellis: “End of monologue.” 😊