Stay or leave?
I’ve been an AP for almost 3 months for two boys (3 & 7) in a suburb just outside Paris. I absolutely love Paris, I just don’t know if I love it enough to put up with everything with my family. Here are my grievances and concerns:
-they had an AP for 3 weeks right before me who they never told me about (she quit and I’m not sure why, never been in contact with her, found out from the 7 yo’s reading log)
-lack of privacy. My room has a big window and another one adjacent to it, there are blinds to the other one but they constantly open them so that they can see into my room. I feel awkward going out and closing it right after they’ve just opened it.
-the food situation. They eat so little and keep less stocked in the house. I have dietary restrictions I told them about and instead of stocking food I’ve asked for or giving me more of it during a family meal, they just…don’t. I’ve had lunches where I’ve srsly only had three shrimps, or a dinner with three raviolis bc they don’t make a lot of food. The kids sometimes complain that they’re hungry so ofc I give them more food but that leaves me with very little. Another example, they boil half a box of barilla pasta for 5 ppl. It’s not enough!!
-the WiFi never works and I’ve talked to them about this and they kinda say “calls should still work but videos may not” and continue to unplug the WiFi box every night.
-I have to babysit every Friday night and sometimes Saturday morning. Sometimes they switch it last minute to be Saturday night.
-I go well over 25 hr per week, and they reason this by saying that when they go on holidays, I’m not working so basically I’m in “hour debt” and they say it’ll all balance by the end of the year.
-I honestly rly don’t like the dad. Whenever he talks to me i feel patronized, and it’s even worse bc he’s an idiot. He’ll contradict what the mom says. He’s unhelpful around the house. He’ll ask me to do “small favors” like “can u watch the kids during dinner” when I’m fully not supposed to be working. He’s terrible to talk to bc he always talks about the same thing: the importance of routine for his children. Like stfu you’re never even around and you have no idea what ur talking about. He’ll fully call or yell for the mom to ask if something is ok to eat or if a dish is clean or dirty.
-the apartment is in a terrible location. I have to climb up and down at least two hills and walk through a forest to get to any public transportation.
-the 7 year old is incredibly rude. This alone would not be enough to make me rematch or go home, but with everything else it’s just a lot.
-they’ll ask me to buy food or whatever but they don’t give me money to do it. I’m supposed to pay for it with my own card and then they’ll pay me back, but they only do that at the end of the month and honestly, there are a lot of small purchases I forget to add bc I pay with cash. Plus I have to pay for a transfer fee from USD to euro.
I don’t know why I’m hesitating so much to leave. I can’t bear the thought of those two weeks where I tell them I’m going home but haven’t left yet. I feel like they don’t really care to know me at all. I never truly felt welcomed. I know this is small, but like my room doesn’t even feel relaxing or welcoming. No blanket, no storage, the window situation. The closet is like a makeshift fabric thing with exactly 9 hangers, it’s again, small, but it makes me feel like they didn’t think about or consider me at all. I’m also not allowed to have anyone over ever. There will be three weeks where they’re gone and they’ve invited their like 50 year old BIL to stay during that time, and it means I have to be gone during that time. I would’ve probably left anyway, but it feels weird now bc I’m forced to.
One more thing: I hate how they keep my birth certificate, passport, visa, etc. They’ve even scanned all of it and I’m not sure why but I want them to delete those. They sent me a previous APs birth certificate during the interview process to show me how I should scan mine and it feels like a massive breach of privacy.
Im still not sure if I should stay or go though. They had one AP who lasted like 9 months and I’d feel like a failure or something if I couldn’t stick it out. Like why like she do it but I can’t?? On the other hand, I kind hate it here.