r/Aupairs

Hi everyone. I’m a former au pair in California, and I’m wondering if I should consult an attorney about my experience with my previous host family.
My host mom repeatedly made me feel like I owed her work hours whenever I was away from the house, even when the time away was for something related to the au pair program or something she had arranged.
For example, when we went to get my Social Security Number, we were away from the house for about 3 hours because they lived in a very remote area. I was told I had to “make up” those 3 hours, so I had to work 3 hours past my normal end time that day.
Another example some holidays when the family was going to be home, so I was given the day off. Afterwards, my host mom expected me to make up those hours by working an additional 8 hours on a weekend of her choosing.
There was also a family trip where they purchased my flights. The return trip took about 11 hours including flights and connections. I wasn’t caring for the children during the flights, but I was traveling because of the family’s plans, not because I chose to take personal time. My host mom counted that travel day as my day off and then scheduled me to work around 10 hours per day for the rest of the week.
There were also occasions when I worked more than the program’s weekly hour limit and was expected to work several consecutive days.
I eventually contacted my LCC because I was concerned about the situation.
I have messages and schedules documenting some of this. Was this normal/allowed under the au pair program, or should I speak with a California employment attorney about whether I have any legal options?

Ps:factual, assim:
The constant feeling that I “owed” my host mom hours of work had a significant impact on my mental well-being. I felt anxious and constantly worried about whether I was somehow behind on hours or doing something wrong. When I eventually learned that making up hours this way was not part of the au pair program and told her, she said she was disappointed. What concerns me even more is that, despite knowing my concerns, she appears to be using the same approach with her current au pair.

I’m honestly quite upset about something that happened this morning.
It was around 7:00 AM and I was having breakfast with the older child. The younger child had already eaten and asked me if we could play. I told him, “One moment, we’re having breakfast and then we’ll come play.” The older child said basically the same thing, and everything was completely fine. We were all talking, laughing and having a nice morning.
According to my work schedule, from 6:45 to 8:00 my duties are “breakfast with the children, clear the table and tidy up.” So I genuinely thought I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
At 7:13, the host dad came in. The younger child asked again if we could play, and the host dad said, in English (even though he normally speaks another language with the children), so that I would clearly understand: “Play with my name, she is paid to play, not to have breakfast.”
He said it in a pretty angry/irritated tone, and honestly I was shocked.
I understand that he may have wanted me to stop eating and go play with the younger child. If that is his expectation, I can respect that. But I really don’t understand why it had to be said in such a dismissive way, especially when I was literally having breakfast with one of the children during the time when my schedule says I’m supposed to have breakfast with them.
It was also only about 13 minutes of breakfast. Before the host dad came in, the children and I were perfectly fine — we were talking, laughing and spending time together.
I’m starting to feel like I’m expected to be happy, smiling and available every second of my working hours, and that if I do anything for myself, even something as basic as eating breakfast, it is treated as if I’m avoiding my duties.
I know I’m an au pair and I’m there to help with the children, but I’m also a person with feelings. I don’t think being paid to take care of children means I have to be treated as if I’m not allowed to sit down and eat breakfast with them.
Was his reaction reasonable, or was the way he spoke about it unnecessarily rude? In case you were asking, yes they are German

Someone please tell me how do I get through a month with someone who is fake and just a bunch of cussing and loud kids. Do I just find another family, this is taking too long or what do I do as a backup plan if I want to leave this house.

My au pair has been with us for 4 months. Everything seems fine. She has basically unlimited freedom and goes out sometimes every night of the week until 2-3 am. Has friends and travels often. This past week she stopped going out and is crying a lot. I asked her if she’s ok, as she has seemed off this week. She says she’s fine but I have noticed her crying several times. She cried at dinner for no reason that I could tell. I don’t know what to do. Not sure if it’s me, the kids, a boy or maybe just home sick!?! Any suggestions on how to handle this? I don’t want her to be upset with me or the kids and not tell me so we can address any issues

Hi everyone!

I’m swiss and I’ll be an au pair in the USA soon with Cultural Care, and I currently have a very small online job in my home country (around 1–2 hours per week). I can do it whenever I want, and the payments and social contributions stay in my home country.
During an online presentation from Cultural Care today, they said that having another job like this while in the US would not be allowed. However, I haven’t found anything clearly written about this specific situation.
Has anyone been in a similar situation - doing a small amount of remote work for a foreign organization while physically in the US on a J-1? Did you keep doing it, and if so, did it ever cause any problems?
I’d also be interested to hear from anyone who had this come up later when applying for another US visa or status.

Thanks!

Hi! I am an American and I met a wonderful potential family to au pair for in Parma, Italy starting January but I am struggling to understand the legal process. Does anyone have recent experience au pairing in Italy as an American? The family is flexible on the length of time I stay so I'm looking into both an under 90 day stay or over 90 day stay depending on what's easier. A student visa doesn't look like it will work for me because of when I will start and the area I'll be in. I know some people will au pair for under 90 days just as a tourist but I don't think that's legally allowed. I have never au paired before so I don't think I want to take that risk (What if something happens to the kids under my supervision?, what if the family turns out to be crazy and doesn't pay me or overworks me? I want us both to be protected). Does anyone have any advice of how I could make this happen? Should I just look for another family in another country?

Hi! We are thinking of beginning our search for an au pair and I’m trying to really learn as much as I can before we commit. If we do match with someone, we want to provide a vehicle for them, but I’ve seen a huge range for the insurance premium increase online. If you provided a vehicle for your au pair and added them to your insurance, how much did your car insurance increase?

i’ve been with the family in italy for 2 weeks now and i only have a week left.
looking after a 10 year old boy.
i have 6 reasons for feeling like i want to leave a week early.

1. we had agreed 5 hours a day during the week and the pay is 80€ however it has become 9-5 everyday where the mum makes me do everything the boy wants. for example it was the after noon and 32 degrees which made me feel quite drowsy which i let the mum know. but the boy asked to play football which i said no to as i didn’t feel well. so he then asked the mum for me to do it. and she said i must play with him football outside even if i feel unwell.
2. i got my a level results thursday at 9ocklock which is the time they asked of me to be up with him. i had explained that i would be receiving my results however despite this when they got back from work at 1pm the boy told the parents i was not up with him. to which the parents told me that they felt it was more important for me to be with him than sort out my uni stuff (i went through clearing)and then acted visibly annoyed with me the rest of the day.
3. yesterday the boy and i were alone and we baked however we did not have any flour. and the grandma lives upstairs however she was not in. the boy got the keys to grandmas flat and we found the flour to make our cookies. however, tonight the parents told me that what i had done was not okay and that i had broken into the grandmas house. i explained to them that the boy said it was okay, and that we went to look for the flour however the boy had told them a different story from what i can assume. i explained to them what happened and that i would never have done that had i known the boundaries and they continued to tell me what i have done is not okay and that they weren’t happy with me.

currently feeling uncomfortable in the home and as an adult speaking with other adults it feels deeply upsetting that i am being treated this way. what should i do?

Hey, I will soon be an au pair and I am now looking for good ways to teach English to children. The child will be 2.5 years old. And they basically don’t know any English.

I don’t know their maternal language neither since I’m going there to learn it.

Therefore I wanted to know if any of you have some tips or advice. Anything is appreciated!

P.S. I know that it will be hard since we don’t speak eachothers language but I am willing to try my best! (:

Edited: I have taught foreign languages before. I am just looking for more tips to make it as efficient as possible.

Hi everyone, I’m writing this post to seek advice and insights from former/current Au Pairs and anyone experienced with US J-1 visa and agency procedures.
I’m currently navigating a complicated situation regarding my DS-2019 status and visa re-application, and I would really appreciate your guidance on the best way forward.
Current Situation Overview:
My profile is currently on hold/affected following a visa refusal and the subsequent cancellation/invalidation of my DS-2019 by my current sponsor agency.
I am weighing two options: strongly advocating (with host family support) to have the current agency reopen/reissue my DS-2019, or starting fresh by switching to a different designated sponsor agency (e.g., Cultural Care, Au Pair in America, EurAupair, etc.).
Key Questions I Need Advice On:
DS-2019 Reissuance: Has anyone successfully had their DS-2019 reinstated or reissued by an agency after a visa refusal? How much leverage or direct intervention from the host family is typically needed to make this happen?
Switching Sponsor Agencies: If my current agency refuses to support a second attempt, how smooth is the process of moving to another designated sponsor? Does a previous cancellation or agency switch negatively impact a new application or SEVIS record?
Visa Re-application Strategy: For those who were refused on their first attempt and approved on their second, what key adjustments did you make to your profile, ties, or interview answers to turn the outcome around?
Any realistic advice, personal experiences, or tips would mean a lot to me right now. Thank you so much for your support!

Je vais en reparler parce que c'est devenu pire ; j'ai en fait fini par pleurer dans ma chambre tout à l'heure. Pour rappel, je suis au pair (F18) en Allemagne et c'est mon premier job en tant qu'au pair et je pense que ce sera le dernier...

Il y a deux enfants, âgés de 6 et 8 ans.

Hier, le garçon a fait une crise parce que son père l'avait grondé après qu'il ait griffé sa sœur, et il a commencé à donner des coups de pied et à frapper son père en criant. Il m'a aussi frappée.

Aujourd'hui, la fille m'a crié dessus parce que je ne l'ai pas laissée peser le beurre correctement sur la balance et parce que j'ai mis les morceaux de chocolat avec le beurre pour faire les muffins. Et elle a crié à son père qu'elle en avait marre que je ne comprenne rien et que je devais faire 24 muffins pour la classe d'école de la fille pour son anniversaire, mais ils sont venus dans la cuisine (père et enfants) et en ont mangé 2. J'ai dû tout refaire. Et le pire, c'est qu'ils sortent les assiettes, les tasses et tout pour les manger avec du lait, et ils laissent tout comme ça. Et la fille continuait à faire des crises et à crier, et le garçon ne savait pas jouer sans frapper ou crier. J'avais voulu faire un job d'au pair pendant un an avant de commencer mes études universitaires pour me faire du bien et m'éloigner de la pression et de l'atmosphère académique stressante et je finis par être une bonne à tout faire pour des petits gâtés qui me frappent, me crient dessus et me hurlent dessus.

Je ne sais pas quoi faire, je veux parler à mon host père mais je n'ose pas et je ne sais pas comment.

Hi, I’m a 25F from Colombia currently finishing two months of Aupair in China. When I came here I didn’t really know how sketchy the whole thing was and ended up with an agency that sold me this perfect idea of cultural exchange.

Only for me to end up with a horrible family that had me working 12 hours a day, consecutively. When I asked the agency for help they just said I had to because it was summer and once the kid went back to school I would have more free time (the hour limits in our contract state 6 hours of work a day btw) and because I’m an idiot and i didn’t want to cause trouble I didn’t say anything against it. At least not consistently.

I was supposed to do a 4 months program with them 2 months where the kid was enjoying summer and two more when the kid went back to school, but I few weeks ago they told me the family only paid for 2 months and will not continue the program. So I did all of those extra hours for nothing.

Now for the past two weeks I’ve felt extremely burned out, exhausted and I feel myself becoming more and more depressed, I’m trying to get myself out of that mental state really hard but I’m starting to feel like is a loosing battle. I’m scared because I’ve been depressed before and I don’t want to have to experience that here.

The agency is trying to find another family for the missing two months but I’m not sure if I can survive to stay here longer, I’m tired. I don’t know what to do. And I also lost my remote job due to this insane schedule so I don’t even have money to buy a ticket out because they are very expensive and the agency was supposed to but all of my tickets, but if I end our “agreement” I’d have to pay for everything myself even though they are the ones who fucked up things. 🫩

Hi! I’m new to the whole au pair process and I’d like to know what I need to do to become an au pair. I’m from a Latin American country and I would love to go to Europe, but I’m also worried about accidentally getting involved in hum4n traffickng or ending up in an unsafe situation.
I recently created a profile, and I didn’t have anything posted about myself yet. However, a strange profile from China started messaging me, which I found a little suspicious.
I would really appreciate any advice on how to start this process safely, how to identify suspicious profiles or families, and what I should be aware of before accepting an offer.
Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated

US host family here! We have been looking for an au pair who is fluent in Mandarin Chinese, ideally from Taiwan, due to work-related security requirements.

Does anyone have recommendations in terms of agencies that might have au pairs from Taiwan, or maybe Singapore too?

So far we have signed up with APC, CC, and EurAuPair, but no luck...

Not sure if this is relevant: we're in the DC metropolitan area and infant qualification is required.

Thank you!!!

Almost every weekend i go out with my friends in the evening and occasionally come home quite late.
Yesterday i was home around 2 a.m. I wasn’t drunk or having a party, and I wasn’t listening to music or anything like that. I simply came home, went to the bathroom and washed my face.
The next morning, my host mom told me that if I come home after they are already asleep, I need to be much more considerate and much quieter because I “”unfortunately”””woke them up. ( in a passive aggressive way too)
I completely understand that waking someone up is annoying, and I obviously want to be respectful. The problem is that I genuinely don’t know what I did that was so noisy. I literally didn’t take off my makeup ONLY washed my teeth’s i didn’t even peed 😭.
I live on a different floor from them, and I thought I was being reasonably quiet. I didn’t even brush my face because I was afraid of making noise.There is also another thing that has been bothering me. I sometimes feel like my host family makes me feel guilty because I spend most of my days off outside the house with my friends. They seem to expect me to spend more of my free time with them.
I understand that I’m living with them and that it’s nice to spend time together sometimes, but my days off are also my free time. I want to use them to see my friends, explore Germany, go out, or simply do whatever I want. I don’t think being an au pair means I have to spend my free time with my host family.

For those of you who are or have been au pairs: what do you actually do when you come home late at night? Are there specific things I should be doing to minimize noise?
I also don’t want to feel like I can’t go out or that I have to avoid using the bathroom or doing basic things when I come home late. I’m trying to find a reasonable balance between respecting my host family’s sleep and still being able to have a normal social life.
Any advice or experiences would be appreciated!

Hello! I am an Au Pair in Italy and unfortunately, the kids don’t speak english. I have learned a few words in italian, but it’s clearly not enough to communicate with them and I am struggling to form a connection with the kids. I feel like the oldest one (aged 4) doesn’t really like me because of that :( I am here for a short period of time, but I want to make it more fun for them. I try to play with them, but besides games like Hide and Seek or playing with the ball, it’s quite hard to play anything without speaking the language 🥲 and clearly they also don’t listen to me when i say Stop or No because they ask for explanations and I can’t give it to them. How are other au pairs in such situations navigating this?

Hi everyone! How are your plans going? 😊

I wanted to share my bad news of the day with you…

A week ago, I finally matched with a host family that I had been talking to since the beginning of May. I was so happy because I had finally found a family! 🥹

Since last week, we had started planning my arrival for next month. The date was supposed to be September 20th, but it could change because she only gets her schedule at the end of the month. She had already looked into the car insurance, I sent her the contract, and she had even started preparing my room. Everything was starting to feel real! 🥹

But she messaged me earlier today, sincerely apologizing and explaining that, because of a personal issue, she would have to postpone my arrival…

By four months. 😭

I honestly find that huge, and it changes all the plans I had made. I’m now trying to find another Spanish host family from September to January, but I’m really scared that it’s too late to find one. 😕

What do you think? Do you think it’s too late to find a family for September? Or do you think I still have a chance? 🤞🏼🇪🇸

Any advice or encouragement would really help right now! ❤️

We're considering to be a host family in the US (DC metropolitan area) but not sure which agency to use...

Any agency recommendations and any agency to avoid in particular? Thank you!

Additional advices also appreciated :)

Hi everyone! Does anyone know how can I find host families available in Minnesota? It seems like the flow there is pretty low right now 😕

PS: I’m not using the community to find family, I’m just asking for hints