r/Aupairs

I’ve been an AP for almost 3 months for two boys (3 & 7) in a suburb just outside Paris. I absolutely love Paris, I just don’t know if I love it enough to put up with everything with my family. Here are my grievances and concerns:

-they had an AP for 3 weeks right before me who they never told me about (she quit and I’m not sure why, never been in contact with her, found out from the 7 yo’s reading log)

-lack of privacy. My room has a big window and another one adjacent to it, there are blinds to the other one but they constantly open them so that they can see into my room. I feel awkward going out and closing it right after they’ve just opened it.

-the food situation. They eat so little and keep less stocked in the house. I have dietary restrictions I told them about and instead of stocking food I’ve asked for or giving me more of it during a family meal, they just…don’t. I’ve had lunches where I’ve srsly only had three shrimps, or a dinner with three raviolis bc they don’t make a lot of food. The kids sometimes complain that they’re hungry so ofc I give them more food but that leaves me with very little. Another example, they boil half a box of barilla pasta for 5 ppl. It’s not enough!!

-the WiFi never works and I’ve talked to them about this and they kinda say “calls should still work but videos may not” and continue to unplug the WiFi box every night.

-I have to babysit every Friday night and sometimes Saturday morning. Sometimes they switch it last minute to be Saturday night.

-I go well over 25 hr per week, and they reason this by saying that when they go on holidays, I’m not working so basically I’m in “hour debt” and they say it’ll all balance by the end of the year.

-I honestly rly don’t like the dad. Whenever he talks to me i feel patronized, and it’s even worse bc he’s an idiot. He’ll contradict what the mom says. He’s unhelpful around the house. He’ll ask me to do “small favors” like “can u watch the kids during dinner” when I’m fully not supposed to be working. He’s terrible to talk to bc he always talks about the same thing: the importance of routine for his children. Like stfu you’re never even around and you have no idea what ur talking about. He’ll fully call or yell for the mom to ask if something is ok to eat or if a dish is clean or dirty.

-the apartment is in a terrible location. I have to climb up and down at least two hills and walk through a forest to get to any public transportation.

-the 7 year old is incredibly rude. This alone would not be enough to make me rematch or go home, but with everything else it’s just a lot.

-they’ll ask me to buy food or whatever but they don’t give me money to do it. I’m supposed to pay for it with my own card and then they’ll pay me back, but they only do that at the end of the month and honestly, there are a lot of small purchases I forget to add bc I pay with cash. Plus I have to pay for a transfer fee from USD to euro.

I don’t know why I’m hesitating so much to leave. I can’t bear the thought of those two weeks where I tell them I’m going home but haven’t left yet. I feel like they don’t really care to know me at all. I never truly felt welcomed. I know this is small, but like my room doesn’t even feel relaxing or welcoming. No blanket, no storage, the window situation. The closet is like a makeshift fabric thing with exactly 9 hangers, it’s again, small, but it makes me feel like they didn’t think about or consider me at all. I’m also not allowed to have anyone over ever. There will be three weeks where they’re gone and they’ve invited their like 50 year old BIL to stay during that time, and it means I have to be gone during that time. I would’ve probably left anyway, but it feels weird now bc I’m forced to.

One more thing: I hate how they keep my birth certificate, passport, visa, etc. They’ve even scanned all of it and I’m not sure why but I want them to delete those. They sent me a previous APs birth certificate during the interview process to show me how I should scan mine and it feels like a massive breach of privacy.

Im still not sure if I should stay or go though. They had one AP who lasted like 9 months and I’d feel like a failure or something if I couldn’t stick it out. Like why like she do it but I can’t?? On the other hand, I kind hate it here.

I recently started as an au pair, and I honestly don’t know if I want to quit or not. The family is lovely and I only work around 20–25 hours a week, so the situation itself is good.

The problem is that I’m not really enjoying being an au pair as much as I expected. I’ve worked with children before and loved it, but I’m mainly caring for a baby now, which I don’t have much experience with, and I think I just prefer older kids. There’s also a 3-year-old boy, but he doesn’t speak English, so it’s hard to communicate and bond with him.

I also just have this feeling that I shouldn’t be here and that I don’t really like it at all, which makes me question if I made the wrong choice. But since I’m only staying for 2 months, I don’t know if it’s even worth quitting or rematching. Has anyone else felt like this at the start, and did it get better?

My husband and I are looking for options for our 8 year old daughter for next year. We live in central Texas about an hour away from Austin. I work as a CPS case worker and my husband will be a teacher. We are looking for someone just after school for my daughter to take her to bjj classes and wait for one of us to get home so hours will be 4:00 PM - 8:00 PM the latest. I will be the primary person waking up with my daughter, giving her breakfast and taking her to school. Some days I might need help but will be a notice in advanced. Basicallly we’re only looking for someone for 20 hours a week.

I’m having a bit of a problem with being able to carry out my hobby, I love baking and cooking, back home I used to bake maybe once or twice a week and cook dinner a few times in the week.

But here I’ve found my host kids are very picky the other day I made them Mac and cheese from scratch because we were out of the instant stuff my eldest tried it he said he really liked it but didn’t want to eat it because it looked weird (I used different shaped pasta and the cheese sauce was a pale yellow) which I totally get. But then my youngest refused to try any of it even just the plain pasta. Same goes for if I bake something the youngest always refuses to try it even if he requested we make it together. And then the eldest will try a mouthful of it and then again he won’t eat any more of it regardless if he likes it or not. My families profile said the youngest liked to bake regularly but so far he’s only ever shown interest a three or four times in the five months I’ve been here.

Also my host family have meal kits delivered as they don’t have time or the skill for a technical meal which I totally understand but it’s getting very boring for me cooking one meat and one type of veg every time I make a meal. I have asked about if maybe once a week one meal could be ordered at a higher technical level and I’ll make it we did that once every three weeks but then it just fell threw for some reason.

It’s left me with this huge itch I really want to bake something or cook something even something simple like cupcakes. But I also have no real motivation because nothing I’ve made has ever been fully eaten (I only make a batch of 5/6 - there’s 5 of us so it’s never too much being made) I have thought about my friends but one of them has lactose intolerance and the other is gluten free so I do make things but as I’ve never done intolerance recipes before I keep it to simple things probably once very two months so I’m not really scratching that itch.
I wasn’t sure if any other au pairs have gone through a similar thing with their hobbies and how they scratched that itch or if anyone had any recommendations?

I currently have a 1.5 year old, but he will be older than 2 by the time our au pair arrives (November). Is there a way to search the non-infant qualified candidates on the au pair care website?

Hello! I'm a single father with a young daughter who lives with me full-time.

My daughter hasn't been doing well in full-time daycare, so I've done a lot of research and decided that I'm ready to move forward with looking for an au pair. I still plan to keep my daughter in a different daycare/preschool two days a week, so the au pair would primarily be responsible for childcare for 8 hours on MWF and possibly picking up from daycare on T/Th afternoon (I'm flexible on that part).

I work from home, but would be closed in my home office with headphones on the whole time, not really "present" to interfere with the au pair's work but close enough to hear them shout for me if they need me.

One of my anxieties about the searching/matching process is how to assess potential au pairs' attitudes about LGBTQ parents, especially gay dads. I don't bring my dates back to my child's home (and really don't have much time to date anyway), so it wouldn't be "in their face," but it definitely isn't something that they could possibly be oblivious to... and it's also important to me that anyone caring for my daughter is supportive of the LGBTQ community and wouldn't make any homophobic or transphobic remarks that could confuse my daughter.

Those of you who've done this before, from either side... How would you approach this when matching with an au pair? Do I put my sexuality in my profile? (That seems like a weird thing to do, right?) They'll certainly see that I'm a single dad, and I imagine that will screen out quite a few who wouldn't be comfortable with a household that doesn't include a woman. If not in my profile, how would you bring it up during interviews?

We’ve been hosting au pairs for several years and recently ran into a really difficult situation, and I’m honestly trying to understand whether this is a maturity issue, social media expectations, a bad fit, or something we could have handled differently.

For context, we live in a large Southern city and have three young kids. We decided to overlap a second au pair for a few months because our first au pair had generally been a good fit and we liked the flexibility/help with our schedules.

Our au pairs work about 20–25 hours/week because our children are in school/camps during the day. We provide:

• $300/week stipend each
• car access + gas stipend
• groceries (they add items to a shared list)
• gym membership
• vacations/travel with the family
• private room and standard au pair benefits

We also travel frequently and do fairly high-end family trips (Mexico, Costa Rica, Florida, etc.), which was openly discussed in our profile/interviews because we thought it would be a positive part of the experience.

The issue started with our newer au pair (here about one month). Every boundary became a major emotional issue. For example, we had repeated issues with food intended for family dinners being eaten during the day, so we eventually created a separate “dinner drawer” to organize ingredients for planned meals - we share meals with the au pairs but they are welcome to prepare food as well. We tried to have calm conversations about it multiple times, but instead of engaging she would shut down, cry, or avoid the conversation entirely.

Then we had a disagreement about gas/car usage. We provide a gas stipend that covers child-related driving plus additional allowance for reasonable personal driving. The issue arose when unlimited personal driving was expected to be fully covered as well. We have household guidelines written out clearly, but she later claimed she hadn’t read them or did not remember the conversation.

The hardest part for me emotionally is that I later overheard both au pairs mocking my husband and me in our own home — making fun of us for asking about their weekends/trips and speaking negatively about our family. It honestly shocked me because we’ve spent years trying to create a warm and supportive environment for our au pairs.

I’m also concerned because there have been moments where our 3-year-old was not being supervised appropriately, including being left near a bathtub full of water unattended.

At this point we’ve decided to rematch with the newer au pair because the dynamic has become unhealthy and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

What I’m struggling with is understanding:

• Are our expectations unreasonable?
• Is the program changing culturally?
• Are younger au pairs entering with very different expectations due to social media/travel culture?
• Is having two au pairs creating a comparison/resentment dynamic?
• Has anyone successfully managed two au pairs long-term?
• Are the perks we’re offering still considered generous, or is this becoming more standard?

I genuinely thought that by lowering hours (20–25/week), offering travel, flexibility, gym membership, car access, etc., the au pairs would feel happier and more balanced. Instead, it feels like the more we tried to accommodate and repair things, the more resentment developed. It honestly started to feel like they were ganging up against us

Would really appreciate thoughtful perspectives from both host families and former au pairs because this has honestly been very discouraging and confusing for us.

UPDATE: We were doing a two-month overlap because we had an international trip planned and our first au pair wasn't able to travel with us due to her visa ending. Now, we are going without the help. We were considering having 2 - but we are concerned that is not a good idea.

The APs were from Europe and Australia and 20 years old (I think the age was a big issue) - english was not an issue - so they definetly understood the written rules which we discussed in person.

We told the new au pair we were going into rematch, and she just said, "Okay," and booked a flight out herself and is leaving the program altogether. the original au pair apologized and said that she got fed into the negativity and she was told information that was not true about us.

Hi everyone, I really need your advice because I have until tomorrow to make a big decision and my rematch ends this Friday. I have two options and I’m completely torn. Here is the reality of each:

​Family 1 (Here in Washington State - 2 child):

​Pros: I stay in the state I love. They are offering to advance my vacation pay right now, giving me nearly a month off to go to Brazil and work on my thesis (TCC). The mom wants me be very flexible, and if I help keep the messy house organized, she will pay me extra.

​Cons: The house is currently very messy. The child is older, speaks very fast English, and wants to play complex games (inventing adventures, learning math). It requires a lot of energy and communication, and I am a calmer person. I also have to drive her to activities. I’m afraid the daily routine will be mentally exhausting for my quiet style.

​Family 2 (Pennsylvania - 2 kids: a baby and a 2-year-old):

​Pros: The house is very clean and organized. A friend of mine who lives there said the family is great and they buy everything you need at the grocery store. They follow all the rules and respect my calm personality. The job is more routine-based (feeding the 2-year-old, giving formula to the baby). It's physically tiring but mentally quieter, and she guaranteed I can safely present my TCC.

​Cons: I would have to move out of WA and start right away (no trip to Brazil now). Also, the current au pair is leaving because she thinks caring for two kids is too much work. The kids are well-behaved, but it’s still two small children to care for.

​I am so stressed. Washington gives me a trip to Brazil and 1 kid, but the daily life seems mentally exhausting and messy. Pennsylvania gives me a calm, organized house and a routine that fits my quiet personality, but it is more physical work with 2 kids and no trip to Brazil. What would you do?

Hello everyone

I'm 19 y/o and I'm planing to go to New Zealand to be an Au Pair for the first time in October of this year. On thursday I will have my first ever interview with one family.

I do have a slight issue and I dont know how to mention it, because I'm scared it will be a deal breaker, I also havent mentioned it on my profile as I didnt want it to look bad...

I tend to be quiet a picky eater... I have a lot that I like, but also a lot that I dislike. Most of my issue most of the time is not the taste of food, but the texture. If I dont like the taste or texture I tend to gag and it makes me want to vomit. I absolutely cant eat vegetables, because sadly they all make me gag... now as for fruit, I eat quite a lot, but even then I cant eat some for example: I absolutely love things that are Strawberry flavour but I cant eat strawberries because of the texture. I also have no clue why I'm like this, if I could change it I would.

Because of this I also tend to be scared to eat certain foods or try certain foods... I also dont eat a lot, I usually only eat a childrens portion or 3/4 of an adults portion depending on what food it is.

The only 2 types of food I really cannot stomach are vegetables and seafood (except tuna).

I really dont know how or when I should mention it, I know I have to mention it before I go but I find it awkward to bring it up.

Do you know when or how I should bring it up on thursday? I dont want to mess this up as on their family profile they seem so lovely and we have quite a lot in common...

This might be a stupid question and a dumb thing to complain about but is it okay to be asking the au pair to go grocery shopping every day for groceries over $100 each time. I’m glad to be helpful and do whatever I can to make things easier but it’s starting to feel like I have no time to myself during the day. I work Monday to Saturday and every day involves a trip to the grocery store. On top of that I do not have a credit card and am responsible for having the money in my own bank account and having them Zelle me afterwards. I’m hoping that having $100 zelled to me everyday also won’t make me look suspicious on top of all this. What is the rule with grocery shopping or is there a way I can communicate this to my host parents while still being in the right to do so?

Hi, I’m an American on a French au pair visa and I messed up and I’m looking for advice.

I totally forgot that I’m not allowed to do paid work when I agreed to do some work on a big budget film. I’m working as a silhouette (basically a slightly more visible extra, still not a speaking role). I’ve only done one day of filming so far, but I’ve signed a contract for around 15 more days.

I know this was super dumb of me—I genuinely wasn’t thinking about the visa rules at the time and I fully realised now that it’s not allowed under my visa. I feel really stupid about it and I’m pretty stressed because I know I should have checked properly before agreeing. I've received 140€ via payroll already for the one day I filmed.

I also really love my host family and they’ve asked me to stay another year, so I was planning to apply for another au pair visa to continue with them. Now I’m freaking out because I feel like I might have messed everything up.

Has anyone dealt with something like this or know how serious it is / what I should do next?

I know this was extremly extremely stupid of me to do and not being able to get another au pair visa will be a natural consequence of my dumb mistakes but I guess I'm more worried about never being able to live in France ever again as I've fallen in love with the country and the language so much and thought about staying here even beyond another au pair year. I'm really heartbroken sorry again for being stupid everyone lmao gonna go cry myself to sleep.

I arrived in california from france two days ago, my return flight is scheduled in three months. I don’t feel very comfortable; my room looks like a tiny storage closet and the atmosphere feels quite unsettling.

I still haven’t met the children because their mother (divorced) refuses to let me see them. They are trying to recruit me to their bizarre church but I left without an agency using aupair world, and I only have $100 in my bank account. Anyway, take care of yourselves

Our au pair has been with us for a little under a week, and we’re already noticing a pattern of dishonesty that’s making us uneasy.

I don’t want to share too many specifics, but it’s mostly small, unnecessary lies - changing details in stories, giving different versions of the same event, exaggerating experience on her application, etc. None of it seems to provide any real benefit to her, which honestly makes it more concerning. It’s gotten to the point where it’s hard to know what’s true because there are contradictions in so many conversations.

I’m trying not to judge her too harshly, and I know everyone adjusts differently in a new environment, but it’s raising concerns for us because we have two young children who can’t really communicate yet. My fear is that if someone lies casually about small things, how can we trust them with bigger things involving the kids?

We’ve genuinely tried to make her feel comfortable and welcomed as part of the family, so this isn’t coming from a place of being overly strict or unkind. There’s also no language barrier - she’s fluent in our language.

Has anyone rematched over something that felt more like a character issue than a childcare issue? Did things improve with time, or did you wish you had acted sooner? I’m torn between giving it more time versus cutting our losses early before everyone gets more attached.

My wife, as of a week ago, is an Au Pair and her end date is in September. Her host family is tracking everything with our relationship and will not need her, starting in early July. If we file her AOS here by the end of May, it is my understanding that we will get her NOA by the end of June. Should she tell her counselor about changing her end date to early July now, or after we get the NOA?

Gostaria muito de ser Aupair na Europa, sou professora e babá aquu no Brasil. Temos horas de trabalho muito cansativas, e professores aqui no Brasil sao muito desrespeitados e podem chegar a ganhar ate um ou dois salários mínimos tendo pós e mestrado. Existem agências para Aupair na Europa? ou apenas aqueles sites estranhos como AuPair.com?

Ciao, la mia paura più grande è quella di trovarmi male con la famiglia ospitante e non essere supportata come si deve dalla LCC che mi verrà assegnata, per questo ho cercato varie recensioni online e ho visto che, come è normale che sia, ci sono sia positive che negative, quelle negative però sono proprio riguardati questa mia paura. Persone lasciate sole perché LCC non collaborano o danno ragione alla famiglia ospitante. Vorrei con tutta me stessa fare questa esperienza a cui penso da molti anni ma ho anche molta paura, non vorrei sprecare i miei soldi o vivermela male lì, avete consigli a riguardo? anche perché ho visto che se entro le due settimane non si riesce a trovare una sistemazione il viaggio di ritorno è a spese mie. Oltre a questa preoccupazione ne ho una collegata, so che le famiglie sono controllate, ma a tal punto da verificare che effettivamente siano brave persone? cioè ho letto di recensioni riguardo a famiglie che si comportano davvero male del tipo molestie verbali e non.
Capisco veramente che come per ogni cosa ci siano aspetti positivi e negativi ma vorrei sapere se veramente sarò tutelata al 100% e nel caso come evitare una situazione del genere

Just got hired as an aupair for a well off family. Previously discussed, my main role would be speaking and being around the children.Tasks include walking the children to school, playing with them, and moving around with them on the weekends upon agreements. However in the first few days I have been here, they ask me for things like going back to hotels to pack their suitcases, getting their belongings, and sometimes sitting at tables separate from family. Not to mention the younger child refuses to interact and does not like me at all- the parents do nothing to aid in the transition? Additionally, I was separated by hotel, and put in a random location (an air b and b) but was very isolated location. Is this normal? I can’t decide if I am being taken advantage of or if this is a normal role?

I genuinely want to know how other au pairs manage to survive on only 280€ per month in Germany 😭 Between transport, toiletries, phone bills, going out occasionally, clothes, emergencies, and literally trying to have some kind of social life.

I know host families provide accommodation and food, but still.. i pay for my language course, db ticket, personal items, and sometimes even things the host family originally promised to cover.

Do you actually save money? Or is everyone just surviving month to month and pretending it’s fine?
Some days it feels less like a cultural exchange and more like i’m just a cheap worker. Would honestly like to hear how other au pairs deal with this mentally and financially in Germany 🥲

Hello guys, is there anyone who applied AU pair visa? And successfully leave the Philippines. Ive heard about the banned since 2024. I wanted to make sure because I have already a host family and I am hesitating to process since Ill be doing DIY as well :) hope you can help me.

Thank you 🫶🏻🙏🏼

I wanna be an Au pair after I'm done with my studies. I now for years have been wondering if I am a trans guy tho. So signing up for aupair has been hard since most websites I saw only had the options Male or Female.

I genuinly dont know that to choose since I'm biologically a female and not a guy. If id choose male I thing they'd expect a biological male and if I choose that I am female id feel like I just have more options.

Should I just be closeted or tell the host families that I'm trans during interviews?

Does anyone have any experience there? I never see trans au pairs online.