u/ObjectiveNo6018

I’m honestly quite upset about something that happened this morning.
It was around 7:00 AM and I was having breakfast with the older child. The younger child had already eaten and asked me if we could play. I told him, “One moment, we’re having breakfast and then we’ll come play.” The older child said basically the same thing, and everything was completely fine. We were all talking, laughing and having a nice morning.
According to my work schedule, from 6:45 to 8:00 my duties are “breakfast with the children, clear the table and tidy up.” So I genuinely thought I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
At 7:13, the host dad came in. The younger child asked again if we could play, and the host dad said, in English (even though he normally speaks another language with the children), so that I would clearly understand: “Play with my name, she is paid to play, not to have breakfast.”
He said it in a pretty angry/irritated tone, and honestly I was shocked.
I understand that he may have wanted me to stop eating and go play with the younger child. If that is his expectation, I can respect that. But I really don’t understand why it had to be said in such a dismissive way, especially when I was literally having breakfast with one of the children during the time when my schedule says I’m supposed to have breakfast with them.
It was also only about 13 minutes of breakfast. Before the host dad came in, the children and I were perfectly fine — we were talking, laughing and spending time together.
I’m starting to feel like I’m expected to be happy, smiling and available every second of my working hours, and that if I do anything for myself, even something as basic as eating breakfast, it is treated as if I’m avoiding my duties.
I know I’m an au pair and I’m there to help with the children, but I’m also a person with feelings. I don’t think being paid to take care of children means I have to be treated as if I’m not allowed to sit down and eat breakfast with them.
Was his reaction reasonable, or was the way he spoke about it unnecessarily rude? In case you were asking, yes they are German

Almost every weekend i go out with my friends in the evening and occasionally come home quite late.
Yesterday i was home around 2 a.m. I wasn’t drunk or having a party, and I wasn’t listening to music or anything like that. I simply came home, went to the bathroom and washed my face.
The next morning, my host mom told me that if I come home after they are already asleep, I need to be much more considerate and much quieter because I “”unfortunately”””woke them up. ( in a passive aggressive way too)
I completely understand that waking someone up is annoying, and I obviously want to be respectful. The problem is that I genuinely don’t know what I did that was so noisy. I literally didn’t take off my makeup ONLY washed my teeth’s i didn’t even peed 😭.
I live on a different floor from them, and I thought I was being reasonably quiet. I didn’t even brush my face because I was afraid of making noise.There is also another thing that has been bothering me. I sometimes feel like my host family makes me feel guilty because I spend most of my days off outside the house with my friends. They seem to expect me to spend more of my free time with them.
I understand that I’m living with them and that it’s nice to spend time together sometimes, but my days off are also my free time. I want to use them to see my friends, explore Germany, go out, or simply do whatever I want. I don’t think being an au pair means I have to spend my free time with my host family.

For those of you who are or have been au pairs: what do you actually do when you come home late at night? Are there specific things I should be doing to minimize noise?
I also don’t want to feel like I can’t go out or that I have to avoid using the bathroom or doing basic things when I come home late. I’m trying to find a reasonable balance between respecting my host family’s sleep and still being able to have a normal social life.
Any advice or experiences would be appreciated!

Hiii, is anyone currently in Germany? I arrived here a week ago and I’d love to talk to or meet other au pairs in Germany 🩷

Hi everyone

I’m an Italian au pair and I’m going to join my host family in Germany soon. I’d really like to bring them a small gift from Italy as a nice first gesture 😊

I was thinking about bringing some sweets or typical Italian snacks, but I was wondering: is there anything you really like from Italy that you don’t usually find in Germany (or that is more special there)?

If you were my host family, what would you actually enjoy receiving from Italy?

Thank you !!