u/Lamia_TSPK

I am attracted to boys, and I do feel physical attraction toward them. I can enjoy watching porn, but the idea of being in a relationship or having sex with someone I don’t fully trust or truly know feels unbearable to me.

I don’t think I’ve found an answer for myself yet because I honestly don’t know what I am. It just feels like I don’t really fit into the usual expectations or situations people have when it comes to relationships. And it’s hard to look for a genuine connection, especially with how common hookup culture seems to be nowadays.

So recently, I’ve met a few people here on Reddit and asked some of them to be my friends. I’ve talked to quite a few people, but most of them eventually start asking for sexting or steer the conversation in a sexual direction. Sometimes I find myself participating in those conversations a little, even though I don’t really enjoy them or take pleasure in them. Honestly, I’m not really sure how I feel about it.

I told the people I became friends with to stop steering the conversation in a sexual direction because I didn’t really take pleasure in it. Eventually, I started feeling disgusted with myself for participating in those conversations, and even now it still makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I know those kinds of conversations are probably normal for some people, and it’s not that I hate the idea of being loved or cared for. I just wish I could be intimate with someone without feeling ashamed of myself or feeling like I need to have a deep emotional connection with them first.