u/Lampcatdog

I really like my inlaws. We get along well and I feel very comfortable with them. My MIL and I are very close, almost closer than my mom. I am also pregnant and easily annoyed by things so just looking for some advice.

My BIL(20s) is gay and self diagnosed autism. I have a background working with autism, and I personally do not think he has it but I don't deal with diagnostics.

He has more than once made comments about my son being autistic or gay and it is starting to really annoy me. He has asked us multiple times if we plan to use gender neutral terms as he gets older when referring to crushes, and each time I just say idk I'm not thinking about that right now. I would like to preface I don't care if my son grows up to be gay, I just find it super weird to be talking about a 2 year olds sexuality, straight or gay. The autism comments are also annoying me because my son literally has zero signs of autism, and BIL equates every little incident to autism. I guess my son asked for shoes when he was barefoot on the grass at his house, so BIL assumed that means autism. My kid was running around barefoot in the grass not even 20min later.

These are just a few examples, but it feels like he is trying to project his own identity onto my son. My husband is never around when these comments are made, and so I never really know what to say. His family is the least confrontational family ever and in my family we are extremely blunt, so I usually just stay silent because I can't find the pharsing.

I am only 6 weeks pregnant and I just feel like an absolute mess. This is long, I just feel so broken down and needed to vent.

For context: I am a full time nursing student and work part time. I have finals in two weeks, one class I am BARELY passing. I recently quit vaping. I have husband who is amazing to me 75% of the time. Lately I have felt like we are a team, but today that changed.

Today my mom told her coworkers I was pregnant and I have asked her multiple times to not tell anyone. She did this with my first, my miscarriage and now this pregnancy. I guess I'm just naive though for thinking she wouldn't do it again. I plan to address that with her tomorrow.

Now comes to when I get home from a family trip. (Husband drove separate and was about an hour behind) We park and my son and i go to water flowers, and the hose isn't working so I unravel it and long story short I can't get it fixed so I just wind it up by hand and shove it in the garage. As I'm walking over to water my plants with a can, I started getting mad because my husband just doesnt seem to take any pride in the appearance of our house/yard. He killed so many spots in the grass by leaving massive logs/TREES/board, you name it. I dragged an 8ft+ tree that fell last year out of the yard and onto the driveway. Sure thing the grass is dead. The lawn is just long and ugly and I spent so much time last year and already this year trying to make the yard look nice.

Fast forward to many other things I was picking up outside that I have asked him to do it and I just went into the garage and sobbed. My son said "be happy mom" and I feel like such an awful mom for crying/breaking down in front of him like that. He pooped so I brought him in the house to change him. This is my first time walking into the house since we got home. It was a disaster, so I sobbed even more. I left friday, husband and son left Saturday. From just ONE night my husband destroyed the house and all of the work I had done.

My son kept saying "be happy mom" in the sweetest voice and asked i wanted a blankey. When I finished crying he asked "are you happy now mom?" And I said yes and asked for a kiss.

I don't know if its hormones, stress, or what it is but I have never broken down like that in front of my son. I feel like im drowning and apparently I can't even call my mom to cry because I can't trust she won't tell my entire family.