I’m tired of feeling inferior, and jealous of anyone better than me.
Hey guys, i’m gonna get straight to the point, I’m 22F, I had 2 bestfriends back in my homecountry and somehow i used to admire both of them despite them being better than me in studies, i never felt jealous or anything.
Ever since i left my country to study abroad in SEA, I was struggling to make friends, my life went through so many downs and some ups.
I’m a musician and artist and my main goal is to become a music producer and release music but somehow i always get jealous of those who are able to release music and those who look so good on ig and who have many friends, and im still trying to be like that but not hard enough.
I also get so jealous of people who are loved, who have friends, who have partners. and I always end up getting mad at myself and hate myself even more, because i was never like this.
I tried to change my style, everything just to attract men and friends but it didn’t work, the 2 bestfriends i told you about actually changed from being very introverted to extroverts with so many friends and many people wish to be their friende.
and now they don’t even care about me anymore since they have many friends; and now im even more jealous and i even hate myself more for it. im jealous bcz i have always been a good friend but i always end up being the leftover friend everywhere i go.
im not perfect but god knows how much i gave and how much i loved these people and how much i needed to be loved. im literally alone in my music journey, in my healing journey as well.
im always alone in my room doom scrolling watching other people’s lives and wishing i was in their place.
and now it’s just so difficult for me to make new friends or have a boyfriend since im too lonely and got used to being lonely and unseen. im so lost and it’s making me feel so bad…