Trust issues towards psychiatrists and similar specialists
(I do not know if my post is appropriate enough to go on without flairs, so im gonna put the "emotional abuse" one since I feel abused and that is why I seek for an advice)
I think many of us have ever had trust issues towards psychiatrists due to neurodivergence stigma, and I need an opinion/an advice.
Well, when I was in my teens I have faced incompetent psychiatrist work multiple times, and it traumatized me so much, so now I feel VERY anxious only after thinking of possibility to seek for help.
Some time ago it was not that intense. However, it became very bad after I entered med school, I want to become a psychiatrist by myself. I come from a very small country where everyone knows each other, so now I am scared the people would know me.
How to cope with it?
I understand there are very good doctors 100%, but its like something deep insinde in me does not let me follow that thought.
I have been self medicating myself for over 2 years at some point, and it does get worse and worse, maybe just little bit slower as if I was not medicated at all. I really want to stop, but I js cant overcome the fear.