She posted an instant today and i saw her after a month its been 3 months since we broke up and a month since i saw her last but i saw her today in that pic she posted with her friend and she looked so normal and happy it broke me down to tears the very next moment. Like i don’t exist and like the one year we dated was nothing and maybe i was the problem 😞
So we dated for more than a year it was beautiful just perfect i knew she was someone who doesn’t open up and during the talking stage she would keep pushing me away for having anything between us but i stayed and didn’t go hitting on her openly i got close to her talking to her building connection with her and after a point she wanted to see where it went with no labels. So we got together (we are both in uni) and it was going beautifully there were problems and stuff but i could see she never meant those so i built the patience to be with her worked on my anger issues when she told me it hurts her emotionally and after awhile we got serious about us the relationship had went past all the honeymoon phase and it was serious we would still have problems but i made her promise we could talk them out no matter what and as we touched the one year mark i took her out it was very cute intimate and made us both happy after that we went of for vacations and we had another fight where she wouldn’t give me any time at all and we fought over it and it triggered her already deactivating self she wanted a break and i said okay and after two weeks she broke up with me saying she felt caged in the relationship and didn’t want a relationship at all and that she could see no future with me because in india caste is still a big thing and her family would be hard to convince so she broke up and a week later we all went to a beach house with friends and i asked her to come too she did and we spent the entire night crying and talking while i was trying to fix and she was trying to leave the entire night was intimate emotionally and physically the next day i got some food and dropped her at home after that she started becoming cold towards me in texts and irl i was broken i didn’t know what was going on how it happened suddenly she then sent me a reel about avoidants and told me thats exactly what she feels and thats when i started learning about attachment theories.
Now i loved her a lot and i still do its been 3 months and ik she loved me too she opened up to me like she never has with anyone else she has a complicated emotionally unstable relationship with her parents and sister she has been through a lot of trauma in dating and family in her life and all i wanted was to care for her and keep her happy she said she wanted to be friends and not loose and i should come back as a friend once i move on from her but i couldn’t do that it hurts me a lot so today i told her i can’t be friends and that i am letting her go because she told she wants to be let go when we broke up months back she replied all cold with yeah i get it take care bye.
I dont hate her or anyone who is avoidant because i understand to a certain point its something deep down thats forcing them to be like this but i want to know if her deactivation will end at some point if she will feel the loss of not having me in her life and if ahe will ever work on herself and just reach out because of she does i would do it all again differently trying to be there for her and loving her the way she needs it not how i want to love her.
Ik its too much reading but i am in a place mentally where idk what to do and my uni exams are getting screwed because of this everything is falling apart.