My several-year experience with escitalopram:
At first, I came here to vent, but then I thought, “So what? What’s the point of saying all this? It’s not going to solve my problems.” But then I thought, if I don’t say anything, I’m genuinely going to explode.
So, here’s what my experience with escitalopram has been like over the past several years:
I started around the age of 18 — I’m 22 now. I started with a low dose, and it gradually went up. At one point, I was taking 30 mg, but now I’m on 20 mg.
A lot of fatigue. It feels like I was an Egyptian slave building the pyramids — they worked me until I had absolutely nothing left in me.
Zero motivation. Zero enthusiasm.
My sex drive also goes up a little from time to time, but then my depression gets worse and knocks me straight back down.
Even drinking tea makes me anxious.
And yeah, my problems are both anxiety and depression.
Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep going like this. I was basically flattened on the floor. The only thing I could manage to do was mindlessly scroll through social media.
Escitalopram genuinely saved my life. I mean that literally. But at the same time, it took away almost all of my motivation and drive.
So I talked to my doctor, and they prescribed Wellbutrin 300 mg for me. At first, it was 150 mg, but it didn’t really do anything. I felt better for the first few days — I wasn’t even yawning anymore — but then the effect just disappeared. It disappeared completely. So we increased it to 300 mg, and I’m still on 300 mg now, but honestly, it doesn’t seem to be working either.
I’ve realized something: as long as the environmental factors don’t change, as long as you have no money in your pocket, this is basically your fate — you just have to burn and endure it. Like me. 😐
I already had depression, and then God apparently decided to put Miyazaki in charge and design a Souls-like life for me.
Imagine living in Iran, dealing with insane inflation, going through two wars, having your internet cut off for like three months, and having basically no money in your pocket.
Just imagine that.
I’ve unlocked every single “shit went wrong” achievement. 💀
I honestly don’t know what else to say.
Seriously, I wish we at least had someone like Daddy Long Legs from Anne of Green Gables — someone to give us a little hope, someone who actually cared about us.
Nobody gives a shit about us. And when you talk about how miserable your life is, people just tend to run away from you even more.
Anyway, it feels like this world wasn’t designed for us.
It was designed for a few hundred million people who live in first-world countries and get to enjoy their lives.
We’re just here to make sure the stadium isn’t empty while the stars are playing their football match.