need help unravelling my thoughts
I have an exam in 21 days and lets just say I couldnt study. I tried. I really did try. But depression, anxiety, perfectionism, fear of failure all got in the way to the point it was crippling. I had panic attacks frequently that lasted for upto an hour. and Im only writing 3 papers instead of 7, but the sheer anxeity is stopping me from putting any efforts. and if I do put efforts, perfectionism fucks things up and Im a mess lying on the floor clutching my chest and hoping night would come just so I could sleep. Parents are supportive in the way they consoled me when i had embarrasing meltdowns in the middle of the house. but they still project their expectations onto me. I even asked them if i could drop out. they said its just the fear talking and motivated me. but normally, I dont really hate my course. its a pretty well respected course and it makes a lot of money with experience and its just 3 levels of exam with 2 years internship. but im so damn scared of exams and im studying from home so i have no peers, i dont know how to handle my emotions. i dont even know if i wanna study this anymore and i dont know if its the fear talking or its me. im so damn clueless and tired of feeling like a fucking failure when i clearly have no clue what to do and what to believe. i dont know myself and i dont know what i want.
anyone who's emotionally intelligent enough to decipher this for me, ur help is appreciated
also i need help on how to live this 21 days. once i finish writing this exam, i can figure things out. but now i dont know what to do or how to do stuff.