PSA to our introvert new dads
I had a revelation the other day that I felt I should call out for the rest of you new dads that also happen to be introverts.
I’m almost two years into my first kid. He’s great - happy, smart, kind, and he’s been sleeping through the night for a while now which was a huge relief. Still wakes up earlier than I’d like, but hey - that’s life.
The first year or so was exhausting, but that’s to be expected. Between sleep deprivation and everything involved in figuring out how to parent, it was easy to explain why I was feeling like shit all the time and in a perpetual state of “just hangin’ in there.” But eventually, the kiddo started to sleep longer and we got into a routine, and life improved significantly as a result. That said, even with a newfound ability to get 6-7 hours of sleep and the occasional date night away from the kid, something was off. I could not recharge, I could not relax, and that was grating on my relationship with my spouse…. Physically, I was in a much better place than in year one, but mentally I was just exhausted.
A few weeks ago due to some random travel and family circumstances, I ended up with three nights away from mom and kiddo in a different town where the only thing I did at night was sit in a hotel, watch a bit of TV, and browse the internet. No other people. I came back from that experience more recharged than I had been in the past two years.
What I realized was that pre-kid, I never thought about the need to be alone because it would just happen - I’d travel for work, my partner would go visit a friend, etc. I wasn’t conscious of what perpetually being around people - even close loved ones - would make me feel like after more than a year straight because that had literally never happened to me.
It’s easy to read about introversion or know that you’re introverted and not clock what being alone actually means. Time with your significant other is different than being alone. Date nights with a babysitter is different from being alone. You need to be *alone.*
Is this easy to achieve as a new parent? Hell no. But I never thought about this before and it’s opened a new line of dialog with my partner where I now know what I need to do when I really start feeling burnt out. We can plan around this, I can watch for it in my own attitude and behavior… it was a huge unlock for me personally, and I feel much, much better about assessing my own mental state knowing that there’s this other fuel tank that I have subtly depleting in the background.
If you’re an introvert and feeling like you don’t know why you’re burning out as hard as you are, this might be the answer.