u/Larigor

Good morning, evening, or proto-moon (for those of you currently residing in quantum eigenstate #253),

Due to a massive increase in the "popularity" of illegal self-cohering board member syntheses, the Board has been busy separating the sheep from the goats.

Fortunately, we have now returned to normalcy and are, once again, providing you with updates. The last two updates from the Board can be found here and here.

Firstly, and most importantly, we are appalled to say that Vinayak Shri, ex-Board member, former dean of the infamous Bangalore Convent School of Technology, black marketeer of modified neutrino beamline generators, orchestrator of the catastrophic Reykjavik Collapse back in March 2025, and general fiend and mastermind of numerous heinous acts, has broken confinement and is now on the loose.

Following his capture by the BEV, the Tribunal sentenced Shri to 27 years of partial substrate suspension at Kerrick depth 0.61, followed by permanent Class-IV vector encumbrance. And yes, he will remain under Daskal encumbrance until all Reykjavik-associated vector lines have been angled.

Contrary to speculation, Shri did not discover a method for defeating Class-IV Daskal encumbrance.

He left through a door. The Board would like to emphasize that the door was not, at the time, intended to be open. At approximately 03:14, a custodial sanitation contractor wedged Service Door C-19 open with a polypropylene mop bucket while replacing a floor buffer. Shri exited through the doorway seven minutes later.

The BEV is working around the clock to locate him. We fear that he somehow made it to the snowy mountain city of Ifran, Morocco, which is, famously, outside of the BEV's jurisdiction due to a strange and esoteric restriction in the Treaty of Westphalia from 1648.

If anyone has any information, please phase-inject it directly to me. But be gentle. My bones have become hollow from prior excessive messaging due to an especially enthusiastic researcher's newsletters.

Secondly, the Board is aware of the ongoing situation concerning Professor u/dogmetal and his assistant, Stencil.

We recognize that we cannot sit idly by while a respected member of the VX community remains missing and his assistant has gone silent. At the same time, this is an exceptionally complicated matter involving local authorities, legacy VexSTARR infrastructure, disputed jurisdiction, and several containment protocols which preclude direct Board intervention at this time.

Accordingly, the Board has approved the formation of the Special Committee on Jericho-Associated Personnel Disappearance and Related Matters, which will convene in 58 days.

This delay is necessary because all participating members must first renew their subterranean legacy-system certification, followed by the mandatory observation period. No exemptions are currently available.

Until then, we ask the community to leave recovery efforts to the relevant officials and to refrain from attempting independent contact, entry, or "completion" procedures.

We are aware that members of the community, such as u/yung_heartburn, have begun organizing independent attempts to locate the Professor and his intern, including proposals involving larger frensel accumulators, Vexatious multiplicity scans, and other improvised detection methods.

This is exactly the sort of activity we are asking people not to undertake.

Don't be a hero.

Leave it to the officials.

The Board shares the community's concern and will continue to monitor the situation closely.

Lastly, the Board has rescinded the 2024 relaxation of COP1 requirements for private anchron capture, as outlined here.

Effective immediately, uncertified capture, storage, or resale of naturally occurring anchrons is once again prohibited.

This decision follows a comprehensive review of the safety implications of privately operated epsilon wells and has no connection whatsoever to recent submissions from the Anchron Generation Council, the Synthetic Temporals Association, or their member companies.

Finally, a small announcement:

Johan Veltliner, CEO of Anchron Anchorage, has officially joined the Board.

Great to have you on board, captain!

Until next time,

The Board