u/Larkus_Says

So I’m just trying to figure out if this is normal and something I should just accept and manage rather than try to find solutions for (I pretty much have anyway but it’d be nice to hear it from someone else). Does anyone else feel like this:

Even when I’m stable I’m so fucking tired all the time. I don’t know if it’s mental or physical but it feels like mental exhaustion. Everything feels like an effort, and is hard to do. I’m not worryingly sad, I’m not breaking, I can keep going. My K10 assessments come up better than they have in over a decade. But I need more rest than other people do, and I can’t really do anything other than my routine without getting exhausted mentally. Just my 30 hours of work and four main housework tasks are enough to leave me feeling like I’m dragging my body through water for a significant portion of my day, while everyone else is walking on dry land.

I had TMS a few weeks ago and it almost sent my hypo but I caught it and stopped it. But while I was doing it I felt this amazing confirmation that all of my failings weren’t my fault. Because for once I could change the cat litter at the end of the day and not feel like I was dragging myself through it. I could look down at the floor, see something that needed to be picked up, and not have to work out if I had the capacity to bend down and do it.

I don’t know if it’s the bipolar, the ADHD they diagnosed me with (not even sure about that diagnosis), being in my 30s, living with a partner as an introvert, or just what life is like for everyone else.

So does anyone else feel like this?

Hi everyone
I just had a bit of a scare this week, and I wondered if anyone had a bit of advice or just honestly had been through something similar and could help me feel less alone. I told my partner so she could monitor my symptoms but she got a bit scared too and was in the middle of hyperfocus on a special interest. It was my birthday so I’m a little sad too, but I’m not asking for a pity party, it’s just making things more confusing. There’s too much to pick apart.

My productivity this year has been waayy down, and I’ve had trouble doing the basic four household tasks the need to be done to keep functioning for the next week. My psychiatrist said to increase my Dex dose one or two days a week for two weeks and then we’d try a week of TMS. The TMS is a good compromise because i can stop and start without side effects rather than changing up medication.

I’ve doubted that I had ADHD because when I have the very low dose I cautiously take I am more energetic and can get things done. I figured that if I wasn’t feeling sedated on the meds I might not have ADHD. But once I started taking a whole 5mg tablet on the occasional afternoon I was incredibly calm.

The TMS worked, but a few days in I started noticing some pressured speech. I started using social media in an overstimulating way and my thoughts started racing, and argued with my mum. My mood became a little unstable and it felt like PMS but it wasn’t. I was finding and saving so many things I wanted to buy, but not impulsive enough to actually buy them. By the end of the week (yesterday afternoon/last week) I was feeling hypersensitive to sound, racing thoughts. But I took my bigger dose of Dex and got super calm, and was able to very effectively do my shift at work (childcare - very noisy and overstimulating, lots of responsibility and high stakes if anything goes wrong)

My plan is to increase temazepam/diazepam and Latuda over the weekend, watch to see if any of those symptoms persist, and asking to see my psych if they don’t. I can’t take high doses of antipsychotics (or any medication) because I seem to be really sensitive to them and they sedate me to the point where I can’t function.

Does anyone else seem to have a baseline level of functioning that seems MUCH lower than other people’s? Even when I’m stable I still struggle to function with a 30 hour work week. A doctor’s appointment or meeting can throw my entire week off.

And does anyone else have trouble differentiating between potential ADHD symptoms and depression/hypomania ramp ups?