I get so sad when my boyfriend leaves to go home
So me (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) are both in college and live with our parents who don’t allow sleepovers, which is fine. We hang out often, not on a predictable schedule but usually we will spend upwards of 6 hours when we see each other. We’ve been together for 1.5 years and have had many fights & breakups because of my emotional problems. So that doesn’t really help me feel secure, but we’ve been really happy as of late. I was starting to feel a lot better.
Well, he said this today: “I just wish that sometimes i could ask you to go do something rq and thats all we do and we go home, i feel like i cant ask you to hangout sometimes unless I have nothing to do that day” and followed it “not that i don’t enjoy seeing you” which made me feel a little better but it still hit me pretty hard. I felt like he had been faking his enjoyment in the past and was just wanting to go home but didn’t say it because he didn’t want to upset me. I felt hurt that he didn’t want to spend as much time as possible with me. I felt annoying and clingy and just bad.
He doesn’t like to see me be sad whenever he leaves, but I’m not sure how I can just hide my feelings. He wants me to work on being okay with him not being there. The rational side of me totally agrees with him. There have been times where I have wanted to be at home and end the hangout, or where I get behind on things in order to see him longer. Like cleaning and schoolwork. But the emotional part is just telling me that he doesn’t miss me because we see each other too much.
I don’t know. I don’t have any friends besides him (I never really have had more than one friend at a in my life so it’s been a problem before him). I know it’s bad that he’s my everything but I just can’t help myself. It definitely leads to problems because he has a lot of friends & sometimes I feel jealous of that and like I’m not a priority even though I know that’s silly. I hate my brain.