u/Last_Handle_5667

The music rang out through the house. “Have you ever been at some place recognising everybody’s face until you realised that there was no one there you knew.” He felt his teeth clench as the words landed, fighting to keep his composure, the mask as he nodded to friends at the party.

The clock ticked slow seconds, matching his pace as he walked from room to room. 2:36 AM, later than he had thought he’d be out. It was expected, he had to turn up, he always did. A fist appeared in his view bringing him back in the moment and he casually bumped it, reaching in to embrace one of his friends. A few quick pats on the back and then moving on, beginning to tread up the staircase.

He looked down at the bottle in his hand before taking a swig, the taste and smell of hops and grain and alcohol assaulting his senses. He fought back the grimace, clinking his bottle with another of his friends as he passed. He reached the top of the stairs, carefully moving his way through the people, more fist bumps, high-fives and nodded greetings as he looked from door to door, seeking something that seemed impossible: quiet.

As he neared the end of the corridor the mass of people lessened and the sound of the music lessened. He tentatively pushed open a door into a darkened room, alert in case it was already occupied by people locked in an intimate moment. A mistake he had made before. This time though it seemed safe and he moved inside, collapsing on the bed in the middle of the room. He closed his eyes and just lay there, slowing his breathing and letting his mind just drift.

He didn’t know how long he lay there for when he heard a soft awkward cough. His eyes flashed open and he saw her, standing just inside the entrance way. “Trying to hide from the party too, huh?” she said awkwardly as she gave a rigid wave.
He nodded, “yeah, sometimes people are a bit much” he replied gruffly. Her face fell slightly and she turned away “oh, ok I’ll leave you to it”. He felt his hand twitch towards her and he quickly stammered “it..it’s okay., you don’t look like you would cause much noise, there is plenty of room here.” Her smile returned and she turned back, moving to perch on the end of the bed.

He edged up the bed slightly and she lay back, joining him to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s at least quiet down this end of the house” she said softly.
“Yeah, it’s nice. I’ve not seen you at any of these parties before” he replied questioningly.
She laughed “I’m new in town, they had to vet me to make sure I was cool enough to attend”
“Oh well I assume you passed, or did you sneak your way in?”
“Well I will leave that up to your imagination”
He smiled, “guess I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Guess that explains the hiding in the dark, meeting all these new people must be draining”
“You don’t know the half of it, so many new names and faces. I’ve been in constant fear that I would introduce myself to someone I just met. I’m Liz by the way”
“Oh I know, I met you about half an hour ago” he said turning his head to look at her. She turned her head, a shocked expression on her face just as a smile crept across his and he laughed. “Ok, maybe not, I’m Joe, good to meet you.”

She playfully punched his arm “That was just mean,” she said, feigning a hurt look. Joe smiled, meeting her gaze before returning to stare at the ceiling. “I would have remembered those eyes if I had met you tonight.” She blushed slightly.
“You don’t have bad eyes yourself; they look kind. So, you know why I am here, why is Mr Seems to Know everyone hiding up here? Got a long line of paramours seeking your attention?”
Joe let out a hollow laugh. “Nothing like that, just not feeling it tonight, I guess. All felt a bit empty. Plus, the beer sucked, tastes like it went off a week ago.”
She laughed “Yeah, it is bad. I’ve been on the same bottle all night, it’s still almost half full. Guess I should be glad you were not in the party mood tonight, hiding away can get lonely.”
Joe rolled onto his side and found her already looking at him. “Yeah…, lonely, that I understand.” He coughed nervously. “It is certainly more pleasant with company.”
She turned her head to the side, smiling. “A lot more pleasant”. She leaned her head up slightly as Joe moved his down when there was a loud crash from the doorway, followed by a muffled “Oh sorry dude”. Joe and Liz both looked towards the door in shock and surprise to see the form of another of the partygoers collapsed on the floor, slowly picking himself up and the door flung wide open. Both of them burst into nervous laughter, and the guy staggered out the door, closing it with a loud bang and Joe rolled on to his back again, slightly closer than before. “Seems he didn’t dislike the beer taste” he said and Liz giggled.
“No, it would seem he did not.” She yawned. “Its late” she said, “I should be going soon. Thankyou for letting me join you Joe”
Joe smiled “Anytime, there is a party next week, actually pretty sure there is a party every week. If you are interested, I’ll be the one hiding in the darkened room again”
She giggled again “I’ll make sure I check them all”. She stood, her hand brushing over Joe’s as she did so. She smiled at him. “Guess I will see you then” she said as she opened the door, stepping out into the light. “I guess you will,” Joe said smiling. He lay on the bed for a few more minutes, letting his mind run through what had just happened. He then stood up and with a smile opened the door, returning to the party.

The music rang out through the house. “Have you ever been at some place recognising everybody’s face until you realised that there was no one there you knew.” He felt his teeth clench as the words landed, fighting to keep his composure, the mask as he nodded to friends at the party.

The clock ticked slow seconds, matching his pace as he walked from room to room. 2:36 AM, later than he had thought he’d be out. It was expected, he had to turn up, he always did. A fist appeared in his view bringing him back in the moment and he casually bumped it, reaching in to embrace one of his friends. A few quick pats on the back and then moving on, beginning to tread up the staircase.

He looked down at the bottle in his hand before taking a swig, the taste and smell of hops and grain and alcohol assaulting his senses. He fought back the grimace, clinking his bottle with another of his friends as he passed. He reached the top of the stairs, carefully moving his way through the people, more fist bumps, high-fives and nodded greetings as he looked from door to door, seeking something that seemed impossible: quiet.

As he neared the end of the corridor the mass of people lessened and the sound of the music lessened. He tentatively pushed open a door into a darkened room, alert in case it was already occupied by people locked in an intimate moment. A mistake he had made before. This time though it seemed safe and he moved inside, collapsing on the bed in the middle of the room. He closed his eyes and just lay there, slowing his breathing and letting his mind just drift.

He didn’t know how long he lay there for when he heard a soft awkward cough. His eyes flashed open and he saw her, standing just inside the entrance way. “Trying to hide from the party too, huh?” she said awkwardly as she gave a rigid wave.
He nodded, “yeah, sometimes people are a bit much” he replied gruffly. Her face fell slightly and she turned away “oh, ok I’ll leave you to it”. He felt his hand twitch towards her and he quickly stammered “it..it’s okay., you don’t look like you would cause much noise, there is plenty of room here.” Her smile returned and she turned back, moving to perch on the end of the bed.

He edged up the bed slightly and she lay back, joining him to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s at least quiet down this end of the house” she said softly.
“Yeah, it’s nice. I’ve not seen you at any of these parties before” he replied questioningly.
She laughed “I’m new in town, they had to vet me to make sure I was cool enough to attend”
“Oh well I assume you passed, or did you sneak your way in?”
“Well I will leave that up to your imagination”
He smiled, “guess I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Guess that explains the hiding in the dark, meeting all these new people must be draining”
“You don’t know the half of it, so many new names and faces. I’ve been in constant fear that I would introduce myself to someone I just met. I’m Liz by the way”
“Oh I know, I met you about half an hour ago” he said turning his head to look at her. She turned her head, a shocked expression on her face just as a smile crept across his and he laughed. “Ok, maybe not, I’m Joe, good to meet you.”

She playfully punched his arm “That was just mean,” she said, feigning a hurt look. Joe smiled, meeting her gaze before returning to stare at the ceiling. “I would have remembered those eyes if I had met you tonight.” She blushed slightly.
“You don’t have bad eyes yourself; they look kind. So, you know why I am here, why is Mr Seems to Know everyone hiding up here? Got a long line of paramours seeking your attention?”
Joe let out a hollow laugh. “Nothing like that, just not feeling it tonight, I guess. All felt a bit empty. Plus, the beer sucked, tastes like it went off a week ago.”
She laughed “Yeah, it is bad. I’ve been on the same bottle all night, it’s still almost half full. Guess I should be glad you were not in the party mood tonight, hiding away can get lonely.”
Joe rolled onto his side and found her already looking at him. “Yeah…, lonely, that I understand.” He coughed nervously. “It is certainly more pleasant with company.”
She turned her head to the side, smiling. “A lot more pleasant”. She leaned her head up slightly as Joe moved his down when there was a loud crash from the doorway, followed by a muffled “Oh sorry dude”. Joe and Liz both looked towards the door in shock and surprise to see the form of another of the partygoers collapsed on the floor, slowly picking himself up and the door flung wide open. Both of them burst into nervous laughter, and the guy staggered out the door, closing it with a loud bang and Joe rolled on to his back again, slightly closer than before. “Seems he didn’t dislike the beer taste” he said and Liz giggled.
“No, it would seem he did not.” She yawned. “Its late” she said, “I should be going soon. Thankyou for letting me join you Joe”
Joe smiled “Anytime, there is a party next week, actually pretty sure there is a party every week. If you are interested, I’ll be the one hiding in the darkened room again”
She giggled again “I’ll make sure I check them all”. She stood, her hand brushing over Joe’s as she did so. She smiled at him. “Guess I will see you then” she said as she opened the door, stepping out into the light. “I guess you will,” Joe said smiling. He lay on the bed for a few more minutes, letting his mind run through what had just happened. He then stood up and with a smile opened the door, returning to the party.

​

The world continued to turn, time, as always marched on, inevitable and unyielding. The ultimate destruction of all but sometimes, just sometimes it feels like moments happen that even time itself has to pause for and take interest.

“I’m outside” he typed and then deleted, again, a third time. He sighed, leaning his head back, listening to the sound of the rain hammering on the roof of his car. “Can you come over, I’m lonely” she had messaged about 45 minutes ago. He hadn’t replied, just got in his car and drove, now sitting outside her place as he had been for the past 15 minutes, reply after reply written and deleted, the words all just feeling wrong. This, this is stupid he thought, she’s your friend, just reply, its that easy but he knew it was not that easy, not anymore. Things had changed, unspoken words, deleted confessions, something in the undertone neither of them spoke.

The car door clicked and swung open, a tentative step into the rain, the slam of the door closing behind him. He was instantly soaked to the bone but his mind was elsewhere, every message, every conversation, every laugh, cry, rage filled yell against the void, everything they had ever said in that moment swirled through his mind. Steps slow but consistent, each one bringing him closer to her door. He scraped the soles of his shoes on the bottom step to her door but he didn’t stumble, slowly ascending the steps. There were only 6 steps to her door but right now he felt that Everest itself would have been the easier climb, but climb it he did, standing the door, his hand reaching out to knock.

He paused, the rain still falling around him. He stood there frozen in that moment of indecision. Minutes passed but it seemed like moments to him. His eyes watching the water run along the top of his hood and drip in front of his face but his mind was a warzone. Thoughts, fears, all those dark moments that most people can keep locked away rose up in defiance of this moment. In his mind he fought, he always fought, every decision, every action, that never-ending war you fight in the dark against yourself. Sometimes he won, sometimes he lost, but this time…..

He felt it first, in his body, every part of him slumped a second before his body turned away from the door, turning round to slowly step down the stairs. This time he was too weak, this time the demons had won. The impact of his foot hitting each new step shuddered through him, his hatred for his own weakness, his own insecurities, his hatred for himself grew with every step, that dark burning rage that he had learned to force down for so long. Even that could not sway him from his path. He reached the pavement and slowly walked towards his car. Behind him the sound of a door opening, light flooding into the street, his name shouted on the wind, but the rain and his own thoughts were too much. Nothing could reach him in that moment as he continued his retreat.

Then he felt it, at tap on his shoulder. He almost ignored it, unable to believe it but there it was again. He turned and his eyes met hers. She stood there, soaked from the rain, hair clinging to the side of her face. “I saw you, saw all the messages you didn’t send, saw you at my door lost in your head”.

His resolve shattered, those hidden feeling breaking free and tears joined the rain water flowing down his face. He tried to turn his head away and she caught it, gently with a couple of fingers, pulling him back to look again in her eyes. There he saw something he knew he should have expected but couldn’t believe it possible, he saw acceptance. “I… I wasn’t strong enough, I couldn’t take that leap” he stammered through tears.

She smiled, warm, gentle, caring. “I know, but sometimes it is not about the leap, having the courage to bring yourself to that ledge is enough”. She took his hands in hers, “Some leaps are not meant to be taken alone”.

For a second, they both just stared into each other, both their eyes glistening with tears, emotion and then, almost at an unspoken command they leant in together, eyes locked to the last moment before they closed as their lips met and the world felt like it froze.

Time, the infinite and uncaring entity is the ruin of all, it can’t be stopped, reasoned with or defeated. All will fall before it but at that moment, somewhere deep in the void between the stars if felt like, in the split second pause, time smiled.

The world continued to turn, time, as always marched on, inevitable and unyielding. The ultimate destruction of all but sometimes, just sometimes it feels like moments happen that even time itself has to pause for and take interest.

“I’m outside” he typed and then deleted, again, a third time. He sighed, leaning his head back, listening to the sound of the rain hammering on the roof of his car. “Can you come over, I’m lonely” she had messaged about 45 minutes ago. He hadn’t replied, just got in his car and drove, now sitting outside her place as he had been for the past 15 minutes, reply after reply written and deleted, the words all just feeling wrong. This, this is stupid he thought, she’s your friend, just reply, its that easy but he knew it was not that easy, not anymore. Things had changed, unspoken words, deleted confessions, something in the undertone neither of them spoke.

The car door clicked and swung open, a tentative step into the rain, the slam of the door closing behind him. He was instantly soaked to the bone but his mind was elsewhere, every message, every conversation, every laugh, cry, rage filled yell against the void, everything they had ever said in that moment swirled through his mind. Steps slow but consistent, each one bringing him closer to her door. He scraped the soles of his shoes on the bottom step to her door but he didn’t stumble, slowly ascending the steps. There were only 6 steps to her door but right now he felt that Everest itself would have been the easier climb, but climb it he did, standing the door, his hand reaching out to knock.

He paused, the rain still falling around him. He stood there frozen in that moment of indecision. Minutes passed but it seemed like moments to him. His eyes watching the water run along the top of his hood and drip in front of his face but his mind was a warzone. Thoughts, fears, all those dark moments that most people can keep locked away rose up in defiance of this moment. In his mind he fought, he always fought, every decision, every action, that never-ending war you fight in the dark against yourself. Sometimes he won, sometimes he lost, but this time…..

He felt it first, in his body, every part of him slumped a second before his body turned away from the door, turning round to slowly step down the stairs. This time he was too weak, this time the demons had won. The impact of his foot hitting each new step shuddered through him, his hatred for his own weakness, his own insecurities, his hatred for himself grew with every step, that dark burning rage that he had learned to force down for so long. Even that could not sway him from his path. He reached the pavement and slowly walked towards his car. Behind him the sound of a door opening, light flooding into the street, his name shouted on the wind, but the rain and his own thoughts were too much. Nothing could reach him in that moment as he continued his retreat.

Then he felt it, at tap on his shoulder. He almost ignored it, unable to believe it but there it was again. He turned and his eyes met hers. She stood there, soaked from the rain, hair clinging to the side of her face. “I saw you, saw all the messages you didn’t send, saw you at my door lost in your head”.

His resolve shattered, those hidden feeling breaking free and tears joined the rain water flowing down his face. He tried to turn his head away and she caught it, gently with a couple of fingers, pulling him back to look again in her eyes. There he saw something he knew he should have expected but couldn’t believe it possible, he saw acceptance. “I… I wasn’t strong enough, I couldn’t take that leap” he stammered through tears.

She smiled, warm, gentle, caring. “I know, but sometimes it is not about the leap, having the courage to bring yourself to that ledge is enough”. She took his hands in hers, “Some leaps are not meant to be taken alone”.

For a second, they both just stared into each other, both their eyes glistening with tears, emotion and then, almost at an unspoken command they leant in together, eyes locked to the last moment before they closed as their lips met and the world felt like it froze.

Time, the infinite and uncaring entity is the ruin of all, it can’t be stopped, reasoned with or defeated. All will fall before it but at that moment, somewhere deep in the void between the stars if felt like, in the split second pause, time smiled.

I will never forget the first time i heard you on that call. I didnt know what to expect but nothing could have prepared me. I keep barriers up all the time but you shattered them with a greetimg.

We continued to talk, we continue to talk everyday about everything and nothimg. Both of us let our minds in too much, both overthink everything. So many late night chats, rambling essays on how one thing has spiraled in our minds. Both of us thinking the other is pushing them away at the exact same time and desperately trying to cling on.

We could be so good together, like shake the foundations of the world good but so many things stand in our way. Distance, timing, other people. You have him and i have her. We both know about the other but they never enter our conversations. Neither of us mention them like it isnt right. Like for the moments we talk it is a different world, a different life.

We share so many things, neither of us are good with emotions except when we write. When we send each other those stories filled with feelings. The subtext so heavy it almost shatters the screen, trying to break free. One thing, one emotion always in everything we write to the other, often waitimg until the end to appear. Hope, always hope.

So maybe one day, one of us will get the courage but unfortunatley not today.