I lost my 13 year old Bichon 2 days ago and he passed infront of me at home.. I am now riddled with guilt and sadness.. I didn't know that I loved him so much till I lost him.
My dog had always brought my family joy despite being mischievous and he is just a cute fluff ball. We brings him for walk, self grooming and feeding him with food but nothing too fancy. It was until recent years where he developed skin disease and the number of walks lessen and he is at home most of the time.
Last month when we brought him for his check up and the vet found out that he has diabetes and needed immediate treatment.. but due to my family's financial background, it would be very expensive for us to administer his daily insulin injection.. hence, we made the decision not to do the treatment as we felt that our fluffball is old and not living a good life he deserved.. and we wanted him to pass slowly..
But on this Monday night his diabetic symptoms worsen and I decided to book a vet appointment next day at 4pm. I was fighting with my inner self if I should bring him to an emergency vet immediately late at night but I was so afraid that they would suggest euthanasia and I don't want him to pass alone with me at the clinic.. Unfortunately, he didn't have to energy left and passed next day on 1pm.. just few hours away from his vet visit.
I am riddled with so much guilt and sadness now as I kept thinking why I didn't treat his symptoms last month and worry about the money later and now he had to pass away painfully and confused.. It was after his passing that's when I realised that I am not a good dog owner as I have been neglecting him so much in the past and he deserved so much more.. I'm so sorry..