You deserved better
I don’t think I could ever block you. I go through so many waves of feeling okay then the bad day hits. I know this is unfair of me to not respect your boundaries by msging you again so im sorry, and I’ll be quick.
Ive recently learnt about a type of ADHD called RSD and while reading about it i was suddenly filled with a panic that I felt to my bones. If you hadn’t ended the relationship Im not sure if I ever would have looked for meaning deep inside myself. I always knew I was defensive but i think I just blamed others for that.
I might be wrong and I’ll wait to see if im diagnosed but even if not I know now there’s a reason every relationship I have is one sided. I said ive been working on myself for a while but I still always had the selfish feeling of being betrayed by you and thats why I was so cold. I have so much more to learn about myself to form healthy relationships in the future and I hope it doesn’t take the rest of my life because after I eventually sort out the why I do things and how to change my reactions then I want to find out who you were. Like really were inside, the way your brain works. Even if you don’t wish to speak again (which id understand I really would) i owe it to everyone else in my life past and future to be able to see how people perceive things and react. And to be patient and understanding and im sorry that you didnt get that from me.
Thankyou for everything.
I hope you have healed in someway and hope even more you never end up with a ‘me’ again. You are the turning point of my life. This isn’t about trying to change anything between us i just needed to let you know that you weren’t wrong with how you felt about me. The closeness then nothing if that makes sense.
You don’t need to reply.
I haven’t even thought about and won’t be looking for a partner for a long time. Until I know I can be there for myself and not hurt them like I did with you unknowingly.
You will always be my best friend either in spirit or eventually in person.
I will love you forever.
(Sorry that was meant to be a short msg)