Advice / vent
My boyfriend and I are both in our mid-30s and have been together for over 4 years. He has two daughters from a previous marriage, and I have built a good relationship with them, although I do get overwhelmed at times with the dynamics.
Recently, after having trust issues, I went through his phone and found out that he and his ex/BM had been hooking up during our relationship. This was especially painful because I moved for him, supported him emotionally and financially at times, and invested so much into this relationship before I even fully understood what the blended family dynamic would look like.
When I confronted him, he denied it at first. We never really got a real resolution or repair conversation. He eventually said part of the reason was because I don’t do certain sexual things for him, which made me feel even worse — like he was blaming me for his choice to cheat.
I love him deeply, but I can’t seem to get over it. I feel like I’m making excuses to stay, but I also feel stuck because his ex will always be part of our lives because of the kids. Even if he says it’s over now, how am I supposed to know it won’t happen again?
I guess I’m looking for advice from people who have been in blended family situations. Is this something trust can realistically be rebuilt from, especially when the person he cheated with is someone who will always be connected to his life? Or am I ignoring a huge red flag because I love him?