I slept with my avoidant best friend. Is our friendship going to fade now?
So I (mid-20s M) finally hooked up with one of my friends (mid-20s F) that I’ve had feelings for / flirted with for a long time. And now I feel weird as hell afterward and can’t tell if I’m overthinking or if this is actually a bad sign.
For context, she’s told me before that she has a habit of ghosting guys after sex because of past experiences and complicated feelings around men and intimacy. She’s also talked before about feeling conflicted about sex in general and how she sometimes feels like she keeps putting herself into situations that hurt her emotionally.
Anyway, we went to a concert together, then an afterparty afterward. She drank a decent amount, I drove. At the end of the night she basically said she could either Uber home or stay at my place because it was more convenient. I told her she could stay over.
When we got back to my place, I gave her one of my oversized shirts and she changed into it and came back wearing just that and underwear. I was originally setting up blankets/pillows for her on the couch and trying to keep things respectful.
Eventually we started cuddling and she kept saying things like “just as long as nothing happens.” I agreed. But the vibe was honestly really intimate and physically charged. She was spooning against me, grabbing onto me, etc. At one point she moved into my bed and we kept cuddling.
One thing I noticed is she would randomly take these really deep breaths while we were laying there. She’s told me before she does that when she’s anxious or trying to calm herself down. At the time I interpreted it as nervous excitement and eventually I started escalating physically. She participated and escalated too, but she also kept verbally saying stuff like “I feel like I crossed a boundary.”
We ended up having sex. I had trouble staying hard and couldn’t finish at all, which made me feel insanely insecure because I’ve wanted this girl for a long time. She was able to orgasm multiple times, but I couldn’t stop being in my head.
She also barely kissed me and avoided eye contact a lot during sex. That honestly hurt more than I expected. It made me start spiraling thinking maybe she wasn’t actually attracted to me physically or emotionally.
But then afterward she’d cuddle me all night, reach for me in her sleep, pull my arm around her, etc. We woke up and were intimate again in the morning too. So the whole thing felt emotionally mixed.
Before she left she noticed I accidentally left hickeys on her neck and got stressed about it. On the elevator down she was like “our little secret?” and made me pinky promise not to tell anyone.
That part weirdly hurt my feelings. I think because I’ve liked her for so long that finally being with her actually meant something to me emotionally, and hearing “secret” made me feel kinda disposable or hidden.
She’s moving away in like 11 days, and I feel like I’m already grieving something that barely even happened. Also grieving our friendship of 2 years.
Part of me feels guilty and worried I became “one of those guys” she talks to me about. Another part of me feels sad because I genuinely liked the closeness and cuddling more than the sex itself.
I texted her afterward basically saying I wasn’t upset and that I was glad we spent the night together. She responded normally/lightly, so nothing objectively terrible happened, but internally I feel anxious as hell.
I can’t stop replaying everything:
- the lack of kissing
- not being able to finish
- whether I misread her anxiety
- whether she regrets it
- whether she’s gonna slowly disappear now
I don’t even know what I’m asking honestly. I just feel emotionally scrambled.
TL;DR: Finally hooked up with a close friend I’ve liked for a long time right before she moves away. The night was emotionally confusing — she was affectionate and cuddly but also anxious, avoided a lot of kissing/eye contact, and kept saying she felt like she crossed a boundary. I got super in my head, couldn’t finish, and now I’m spiraling wondering if she regrets it, if I misread things, or if our friendship is gonna fade after this. I think I’m more attached to the emotional closeness/cuddling than the sex itself.