I was continuing on arguing w my head again with these taboo thoughts, but then it through something out there, and then my head went that it’s “sound logic”, I DONT WANT MY HEAD AGREEEING WITH THEM!? It’s been feeling like my heads been trying to justify these bad things and it worries me. I need to know if this is natural, or if it’s me.
Someone I know admitted to me that they have something to tell me for a while. I automatically presumed the worse and tell me they’re a monster. But my head keeps having these thoughts soon after saying “I’m a monster too” as if giving a reason to stop fearing these bad thoughts and give in, like it’s searching for a community. I DONT WANT A COMMUNITY, I DONT WANNA BE ONE OF THEM! I just wanna ask people if this is normal, or if others have had similar experiences.
Can your thoughts start out normal and then turn to something bad without even trying. Like I go from something about happiness and then it goes to “especially the bad people deserve happiness” and I was like “wtf?” Wasn’t prompted or anything, just a sudden change, and that concerns me.
Recently I’ve been having thoughts and the longer it’s gone on, the more it’s felt like my heads gone and leaned toward the bar. I don’t want it, of course, but it feels like everytime I’ve explained why it’s bad, it’s felt like a dud. Even saying things like “so what if I want this?” Or “it should be legal to do these things.” And the more and more it’s gone on, it’s felt like it’s gotten more syntonic, so that’s worrying me. Not asking for reassurance, but I am asking if others have had this experience, or if it’s normal.
I have been mentally testing myself for the past 8 months now, and before I couldve differentiate between the two, but now? It feels like it’s on automatic, as well as I can’t tell the difference now. So I come here asking what effects are taken place if I kept mentally testing myself? Ik it’s shorter post than before, but I dunno what else to add.