Tomorrow is my birthday and the only thing I can think about is whether my LO will reach out to congratulate me. Not my family, not my SO. Just them. And I’m almost certain they won’t, or that they’ve forgotten.
I’m so ashamed! I know how it sounds. But that’s where I am right now and I needed to say it out loud somewhere safe.🤯😳😭
I miss my LO so fu-king much, I dont know what to do! NC and LC now for like 1 month. Is so hard! It dosen’t help! Almost even worse!
Every part of me wants to reach out, send a simple reel, walk up to them at work and just say hi, show them I care. As if one small gesture could save what we had a year ago, before I became this version of myself.
I saw them briefly at work yesterday. My whole body shook. LO isn’t reaching out anymore, maybe they feel unsure of where they stand with me. Time is passing, and I can’t seem to normalise the friendship we actually built, I’m destroying it by feeling this way. I hate it!!!!
I know I have a choice. Stay in this friendship and live with the jealousy of who they’re with now. Or nothing, just polite “Hi’s” in the corridor.
And the hardest part? Im married. and I know why I’m here. LO was available, drew me in, got my attention, we shared vulnerabilities with each other and I got the glimmer. We mirrored each other.
Then they some times ”disappeared” for a while or canceled plans I pulled back, I got anxious and they found me needy and without boundaries. And now it feels like everything depends on me. Whether this friendship survives at all.
LO has shown, both in words and actions that they want to be my friend. What I really miss is how it felt in the beginning, when they wanted me just as much. That feeling of being chosen, being someone’s priority. It was real. And I grieve it every day. But I’m the one who can’t seem to bee there, because moving forward means accepting that these feelings may never fully disappear, and that LO will probably never know. And some days that silent grief feels heavier than anything.
Soon LO is ”gone” and I lost a friend.
I just want to be wanted back.
This reel hit me hard, how about you?
I think this is why I fell in to limerence in the first place, and then even more after they meet some one to date.
I’ve started doing the work.
Not because I want to every part of me resists it, but because I have no choice.
What that looks like in practice:
Stopping myself from seeking LO out at work. Listening for their voice before I walk toward the coffee machine or the lunch room and turning around if I hear it. Not sending the “I miss you” messages I used to send. Not waiting for a message and trying not to light up when one comes. Not reading old messages. Not looking at old pictures.
Just… not feeding it anymore.
And the hardest part? LO doesn’t know any of this is happening. To them I’m just ”fading away”. They’re not chasing me any linger. They’re not asking what’s wrong. And I don’t know if that hurts more or less than if they did.
I’m doing all of this invisible work while LO goes about their life completely unaware. And somehow that loneliness is its own kind of grief too.
Anyone else doing the slow fade and how do you sit with the silence? 🥺❤️🩹
Reading a post here made me reflect on something I haven’t fully sat with yet.
My LO was sought me out from the beginning. They also initiated, pursued, made the connection feel special and intense, and so did I. They introduced attachment theory into our dynamic, we sent messages/reels like “you’re my favorite person”, borh sent messsages like “it’s been too long, I miss you”, and checked if we’d be at work on the same days. At one point they told me they were going away and didn’t know how they’d manage without me. And then a message on their way home: “On my way back, I miss you.
Looking back, I wonder, was there a short window where they was also experiencing limerence for me? Before something shifted and they pulled back, and I fell deeper in.
What triggered my limerence was the moment they started dating someone, right after a period where we hadn’t seen each other for a while. That’s when something broke open in me, even though I’m married. (No judgement, please.)
And yet, even now, we still send each other messages every other week quite innocent but also saying we miss each other. Today I saw them at work. Inknow they saw me. Neither of us walked over.
It doesn’t change where I am now. I’m the one stuck in the limerence loop. But it does make the self inventory harder when the fantasy had so much real material to feed on. These weren’t just projections they unconsciously ”handed me” the building blocks.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of role reversal? Where the LO was once the pursuer, and then suddenly you became the one left holding all the feelings?
(For context, see my limerent story: https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/s/iusmhHMVbH)