u/LeLazyCookie

I have been stalking the subreddit for quite some while and unfortunately, especially lately, I have a feeling that there is a culture of us vs. them being built, with us being autistic and neurodivergent people and them being neurotypical. So I just wanted to barf out my thoughts and feelings and just ramble for a bit.

Just to clarify, I was first diagnosed with autism in 2009, when I was 22. People did not believe me, bringing me to a point, that I got myself checked again in 2014 only to be told once again, definitely autistic. I stopped telling people I was autistic and rather said I had add which for a lot of people "made sense", despite them self diagnosing or diagnosing others with autism or having strong autistic traits. And it bothered me. I mean I get along fine but I still needed some therapy to actually get through and to learn to adjust, especially since I did choose to get into IT consulting.

Also a disclaimer, my wife has recently been diagnosed and my parents and siblings had also been diagnosed before me, so I never had the experience of living in a neurotypical family and neurotypical households were only with roomates. That being said, I have enough friends who neurotypical as well as some who self diagnosed and others who are neurodivergent and I get along with them fine. Yes, there are some "funny" moments but I only see this as culturally different not as less or demeaning in a different way. This is even more the case with people who acknowledged me being neurodivergent and try to make adjustments for which I feel embarrassed but am eternally grateful for and we are at a point where we can make light jokes when such moments happen.

This might be the case because I am the child of immigrants so I was raised between different cultures and learned to adapt and the difference of culture being there even without being neurodivergent so the weird kid might not have been seen as being different in a psychological sense but just in a cultural sense. Especially my humor, delivery, or alleged lack of either.

I am absolutely content nowadays with being neurodivergent and I do not want to change other than the typical masking you do in front of clients or to get a job or strangers in general, but I think that neurotypical people do that too. We are all actors to strangers, clients or potential employers. I would not think myself as better, just different. It pains me to see so many of my peers here looking down on people who are different despite showing pride in being so and despite not being want to be looked down upon from people who are neurotypical. I think some of that gatekeeping comes from people who are unsure of their own place in this and end up overcorrecting onto others. I think we should do better and be a better example. Live and let live.

And to be clear, I am not ashamed. I would not even call it pride, because I don't think you can be proud of something you did not achieve yourself. Being neurodivergent is not an achievement, it is something you are born with or sometimes pushed into by the world. Not being ashamed and not being proud are not the same thing though. I am content. I cannot imagine thinking any other way, it is how my family thinks, how I think, its normal for me. Of course I adjust, but so does everyone, neurotypical or not, we all put on masks somewhere. Being autistic does not define me though. What I do and what I achieve does that. It does give me trouble dealing with people sometimes, yes, but it also gives me an edge in the IT world. It is not worse, not better, just a different culture almost. Just different.

Oh and because I have heard it before, just because nothing is wrong with me does not mean that therapy is not necessary to adapt. It is necessary to understand and to understand how to adapt and live in this world even without changing. Therapy does not mean you change. Therapy means you learn to survive and this goes for people who are not autistic but have depression and/or anxiety or similar too.