How to "know" you love them: the best post I've seen about this
I just saw the greatest way to "know" you love them, which was in response to a question on Quora. It literally explains how every way you can use to know can be debunked in a certain way. It makes so much sense honestly. The only way you "know" is because you decide to. You have a drive to. The person who wrote this post explains it so well, and in a way that makes so much sense ❤️
Quora post:
If you try to Google “how to know you’re in love,” you’re gonna have a bad time.
Because it’s mostly shit advice.
Here’s a small sampling:
“They’re always on your mind”
This is infatuation.
If someone’s “always” on your mind, you’re not focused on other Really Important Things. And that’s a problem.
“You crave them” or “can’t get enough of them”
See above.
“They’re your ‘everything’”
Ditto.
“You see them in your future”
“When I imagined my future job/location, they were always in the background of my imagination helping me out with whatever I was doing. My future just didn’t really make sense without them around.”
Well, I mean, damn. You fantasize long and hard enough, you can see anything in your future — like I could imagine moving to Switzerland to be a goat farmer. That doesn’t mean I should.
The problem is that we’ve made “love” into a game of escapism, and measure potential partners by how they fit into that fantasy.
So, sure, see them in your future — but not because they “complete the picture.”
“They’re the person of your dreams”
See above.
“You always want them around”
Hahaha. Clearly you have never been in a (healthy) long-term relationship.
You should usually want to see bae. But love isn’t always wanting to. Sometimes you need a minute. Sometimes you need to work or do other things. Or, damn, just be.
Don’t think it’s not love just because sometimes you want space.
“You’ll do whatever it takes to impress them.”
Well. That’s scary.
Y u tryin so hard? Loving isn’t “impressing.”
Tread lightly with:
“They’re the best part of your day”
“Seeing my girlfriend is always the highlight of my day.”
The difference here is probably what the rest of your day looks like.
Good: If you’re happy with your life and your partner adds to it, then congrats. You win.
Bad: If you’re unhappy and using your partner as an oasis, then you need to get your shit together.
“You priorities them”
Good: you actually care about their wants and needs, and prioritize them in a way that doesn’t tear you down.
Bad: you compromise your own wants and needs, or base your value on your ability to “keep them happy.”
How to know you LIKE them as a person:
They’re different than everyone else
Rad for them
You like more than their looks
Congrats, there may be hope for you yet.
You want them to be happy
Great. I want happiness for most people.
You’ll try new things with them
You found someone with whom you’re comfortable, and whose company you enjoy. Good on you.
They inspire you to be a better person
Role models have that effect on us, too. That doesn’t mean we love them.
How to know you LOVE them:
1) You know because you decide
You don’t just feel love. You DO it. The feeling is what stems from the action. It’s a moment by moment decision and re-commitment. You know because it’s deliberate and conscious.
2) You know because you DO the act of loving
You invest. You exert effort.
You don’t knowingly do harm. You aren’t vengeful, petty, manipulative, or jealous. Their needs never seem irritating. You aren’t grabby with them, their time, or their affection in return. You are secure without demanding constant reassurance.
You prioritize their viewpoints. You learn their love language. You think in terms of their interests, not yours, and their needs are your own. You support them. You back them. You care and take care. You accept, and you allow.
3) You know because you do the act of loving even when you don’t want to
Because everyone thinks they’re in love when it’s clear skies and calm waters, but watch them when the storm hits.
You know because you love even when you’re pissed. It’s love if you don’t “fight;” you disagree.
You love if your objective is reaching an agreement, not picking a winner.
You love if you don’t get defensive, insecure, or manipulative. If you don’t keep score. If you don’t hold grudges. If you don’t “take back your love” as punishment.
You love if you seek to understand before being understood; listen and honor what they share — and you don’t double down with your own issues. If you act like you’re on the same team. You listen. You compromise. You apologize. You forgive.
You know because you love even when you’re hurt. Especially honoring and respecting their wants and needs even when they include “breaking up.”
What we should really be Googling is “how to love,”not “how to ‘know’ we’re in love.”
We like to differentiate between “being in love with” and “loving” someone.But “being in love with” is infatuation, and infatuation means nothing in getting real love.
So if what you want is real love, then “how to” is all that matters.
You “know” because you decide. It’s love when you do it. All the time.
Originally Answered: What is the difference between attachment and love?