I feel my loyal and best friend is also incredibly toxic and holding me back
Apologies for the long vent but I feel it's necessary for people to get the full rundown of my friend. I met my friend while on an unpaid job placement at a local games developer back in 2012. Since then we've been to college together and then worked together for 5 years at a retail store until we were both made redundant last year when the store closed. We talked every day until recently.
Things with his mental health have always been up and down. He had a rough childhood and has never dealt with it. He would verbally lash out at me for the smallest things and say he was joking. He'd be angry with me and couldn't remember why, but he'd know he was angry and couldn't let it go. Eventually he finally realised he was depressed and went to the doctor to get antidepressants to deal with his aggression and lashing out. He also went to the doctor to find out he was diagnosed with ADHD in his teens but was never medicated.
Lately however antidepressants seems to have stopped working. He's lashing out less but he's taken a dismissive attitude about everything I'm interested in. I cannot talk to him about ANY movies or TV shows that have come out in the last 10 years or he'll spew out some talk of "oh it's all woke crap now idk why you bother". It's all just quotes from some horrible YouTuber he watches rather than his own opinion, as he doesn't even watch them himself. It's like he can't accept other people actually like things.
I asked him once why he even bothers with me. He said "Because you force me out my comfort zone.". Which is kinda true, if not also exhausting. It was me who poked him in the direction of applying for college after our job placement ended. And it was me who told him to try online dating when he complained about being single. Which leads me onto one of the reasons I can't deal with him anymore...
He has been single his whole life. Never had a partner. He signed up to online dating and a single woman who lives locally messaged HIM. He looked at a very blurry picture of her (it doesn't show the clear picture until you subscribe) and said "She doesn't look like a nice person". It was at this point I said "Your standards are way too damn high..." and it's been since then since we've spoken regularly.
As a bit of extra context. He does nothing. I mean nothing. He hops between the same 4 games (that he says he hates), sits in a chair staring at the wall and refuses any plans I make. I ask him to come to the city and we can browse or get lunch or see a film or do something new. I invited him with me to Disney World for free and he still says no. He says he will tidy his flat and stay off the Xbox but then doesn't. Yet he complains he's bored and his life is so bad etc. I understand he's depressed but feel he's not helping himself enough.
Last thing to help people understand him. He has ideas. A LOT of ideas. Years ago we decided to try and start a business together. We formed a business plan (meaning I did it while he sat and did nothing), we went to meetings, looked into applying for a business grant etc. Then he got bored and bailed. Couple years later he asked if I wanted to do a "Game Jam" thing at our local college, making a game over the course of a weekend etc. He bailed on that as soon as I handed in the application. It was then I decided I'd never pursue anything with him again.
My other friends said they're glad I've distanced myself, and they're surprised I stuck with him for so long. But he can be a good friend, and loyal. He never hugs and we have maybe 1 picture of the two of us in 13 years, so his physical affection is non-existent. But he does other things. He's always there if I need someone to talk to, or if I need a hand with something, and he goes big on gift giving for my daughter, my wife, and I. He shows he cares in other ways even if he doesn't say it.
It feels sad that this is almost like the end of an era in a way but I know I can't sustain this anymore. It's too exhausting to have to be the positive one. And I've tried to tell him. I've communicated with him numerous times I wish he'd be more optimistic and to stop dumping on whatever I like. This then leads to him thinking we just shouldn't discuss that topic anymore. Which in turn is incredibly limiting on what we can ACTUALLY talk about. Like, the amount of things we discuss now are getting smaller and smaller. We've basically resorted to small talk the last couple months.
Anyway sorry for the rant and thanks for making it to the end if you have. It feels like it's been building up for the better part of a decade. Someone said to me "If you two were in a relationship it sounds quite toxic on his part" and I couldn't get that out my head. Yes I realise he might still be struggling but at the same time I find it hard to sympathise when he does nothing to help himself.