u/Leeaa2112

I (19F) just impulsively broke up with and blocked my boyfriend (19M) after a conversation that emotionally destroyed me, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m projecting trauma onto him or if my reaction makes sense.

For context: a few months before meeting him, I was in a very unhealthy situation with an older man that I met last year (28M). My introduction to intimacy was emotionally damaging and involved a lot of pressure/manipulation. I stayed in that situation longer than I should have because I didn’t want my first sexual experience to feel meaningless or like a one-night stand. Eventually I ended it because I realized I couldn’t keep having sex with someone who didn’t genuinely want a relationship with me and was abusive.

Then I met my now ex-boyfriend.

This honestly became the healthiest and most loving relationship I’ve ever had. We talked for months before dating officially, shared everything with each other emotionally, and he made me feel safe in a way I had never experienced before.

From the beginning, he told me he originally wanted to wait until marriage because of his Christian beliefs. But over time our relationship naturally became more physically intimate. We kissed, made out, talked deeply about boundaries, etc.

Something important is that throughout the relationship, he repeatedly told me he wanted all his “firsts” to be with me: first girlfriend, first kiss, first relationship, first sexual experience, basically everything. That made the relationship feel extremely emotionally serious to me.

Before we finally had sex, I checked in with him multiple times because I knew his beliefs mattered to him. Even the day before, I literally asked him repeatedly if he was sure, and he reassured me every single time that he wanted this too.

So we finally had sex for the first time yesterday. It was consensual, loving, emotional, and honestly healing for me compared to my previous experience. I genuinely thought this was something we were sharing together out of love.

Then less than 24 hours later, he told me he regretted doing it and wanted to go back to waiting until marriage because now that he “knows what it feels like,” he feels ready to return to purity and stop before going further against his beliefs.

I completely emotionally crashed after hearing that.

Logically, I know he didn’t assault me or intentionally manipulate me. But emotionally, I suddenly felt incredibly used and abandoned. It felt like I opened myself up completely just for him to immediately emotionally reverse course afterward because of guilt.

What hurt me the most is that this wasn’t casual to me at all. This was probably the deepest emotional connection I’ve ever experienced.

I ended up telling him he was no different from the older guy from my past and blocked him impulsively. I know that was probably unfair, but in that moment all I could think was: why reassure me over and over, fully participate in this with me, talk about wanting all your first experiences with me, and then emotionally pull away from intimacy almost immediately afterward?

I understand religious guilt and purity culture are real, and I don’t think he intended to hurt me. But I genuinely don’t know how to emotionally process this situation without feeling deeply rejected and used.

Did I overreact by ending the relationship immediately? And how do I separate my past trauma from what actually happened here?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I had consensual sex for the first time after months of emotional buildup and reassurance. Less than 24 hours later, he regretted it because of his Christian beliefs and wanted to go back to abstinence. I emotionally spiraled, compared him to someone who previously hurt me, blocked him, and now I don’t know if I massively overreacted or if my feelings make sense.