I literally just woke up from a dream where I was binging at a never ending table. I already have that urge and it isn't even 7am. My family will all be gone for several hours and I don't want to binge/purge but it is such a consuming compulsion. I've been fighting it for a couple days and all I can think to do is buy cigarettes (I haven't smoked in 10+ years!!) Give me all your best suggestions!!
I finally decided to meet with a therapist again (in and out of treatment/phases of recovery for 30 years). I have several life challenges all happening at one, and it has triggered my bulimia after a couple years of just "diet culture" living, which for me had been progress (not at all recovery, but i would say not full blown ed again). Anyway, I've been meeting with a therapist specializing in ed treatment and I swear it is exasperating the whole situation. I was obsessed with food before, but now I'm focusing on just how messed up I am and that I should be doing better. I'm in my 40s, I'm just so tired of it all. I feel even worse about myself since seeing a counselor again tho? I don't feel it is helping, but i think checking in with someone is a good thing? Trying to be accountable? I'm so lost. I don't talk to anyone about anything going on with me, there is too much going on around me to be bothered with this. I don't even know if there is a question in there, I am just feeling hopeless and alone in all this.