What is going on. Some help please.
Im a woman in my 30’s. Im not really co fused about my sexuality. Im mostly woman orientated but can also like men. Currently I’m in a relationship with a man.
So last year around March at the ski resort I met a woman my age. She was my son’s ski instructor. At first I didn’t really like her but in the middle of the week we started talking. And talking and some more. She’s my age, has a boyfriend and an also a son. We started texting. Long messages. Daily. Every time we saw each other she initiated 2 kisses. So far, normal. Except that apparently she almost never texts. She hates the phone. OKay. She also had moments she pulled back and acted like a bit weird. okay.
My friends said “She’s flirting with you” but I never noticed that. We met up at the park for 2 hours with the kid. I asked multiple times about the boyfriend but didn’t get to see him. Okay. A mo th later we met up for 2 days. Apparantly she almost never meets one on one with friends and she doesn’t do stuff with them. Still not invited to the house, still not met the boyfriend. Not at staying at the house is quite important since we live in different countries and it’s a 10h drive. We had a long conversation about texting and she said she tried her best for me.
I felt like an annoyance after that and stopped texting so much. So she started. By the end of the year we restored the texting.
This year we clicked immediately. We texted everyday almost all day. Shes sent me goodnight almost every night like really the “goodnight big kisses 😘😘”, I’m in bed, have good dreams, … stuff like that. Three weeks of seeing each other every day, giving the kisses, touching hands while talking, cuddle sometimes. Closeness. a colleague asking what was going on. At one point she said she wasn’t touchy. She always keeps claiming she’s independent, never on the phone, … stuff like that. I knew a lot, when the kid was sick, when the grandparents watched the kid, what she did in the weekend, ski stories, … a lot a lot. She sometimes wakes at night and at one point she sent me a voice note saying “you wondered what I think off when I’m awake well I was thinking of you moving here and how that would be and …”. I stayed for three weeks. Then I went home. we didn’t text for 10 days. I waited for a message. Nothing. Already then I felt very weird. I realised this wasn’t just normal friendship anymore. Friends don’t behave like this. I texted. I went back. I stayed for six weeks this time. In those six weeks the kissing on the cheeks became a daily ritual of at least one time a day she coming to me, me giving a snack then sometimes extra kisses. Talking. Touching hands. At one point I sat her at the supermarket and we accompanied her to her car, me and the kid. We were talking and I touched her hand. And then again. And then I took it and I held it. multiple seconds. she just kept standing there. We continued texting. The next morning too. Then we saw each other. My boyfriend was there too. She saw him and froze. Suddenly no losses “she was sick”. She mentionned her boyfriend 5 times in 2 minutes. was very distant. Skied away. Pulling back. Apparently it’s called regulating. Three days later she was normal again. Again the kisses. Slow kisses. Close kisses. Comments on my perfume. Remarks and voice notes about imagining me. Most telling was the imagining me skiing in underwear. We started to build our own world in WhatsApp. Boyfriends weren’t mentioned. She only texted when he wasn’t around. It became big. Important but subtle and implicit. Everything was deniable. It was more the total picture: the texting, the goodnights, the big kisses echoed in real life messages from afar, the rituals, the subtle touching, the little world with our own vocabulary, the omission of the boyfriends, her behaving differently then she normally would, … and still not meet the boyfriend. Even though they supposably have people over regularly. Oh and then some things she said: I‘move never loved my boyfriends. Silence. Except my current one. When my exes said I love you I replied with thank you. I acted aloof to them so they would break up with me.
Or: a friend Of my parents left her husband to be with a woman after a marriage of 20 years. Why? “I don‘t know” but why. Kept pressing about the mechanics until I finally said probably because she met a woman and felt happier with her then in her marriage. That answer was okay.
She wanted my reportages , debriefings, was interested in a marriage I was going too. She asked like ten times about it and said like wear my ski clothing as a theme.
Anyway. We met up. Less than an hour. Her hair stuck to her lip so I tucked it behind her ears, I took her hand to watch her nails while there was nothing to see, she showed something in her foot and I stroked her foot, I pulled her closer by her vest, I twirled her hair around my fingers, I tucked it again behind her ears, I touched her forehead, ... you get the picture. A lot of touching for someone who isn’t touchy. She didnt touch back. She let it happen. she did look at lips multiple times very explicit though. But we were in a park. With the kids. Limited time. And I didn’t want to scare her.
Apart from all of that I wasn’t very subtle: my messages had sentences like: I sent you tons of kisses to rock you to sleep, you looked like a princess today, I really want to see you, people are here for you instead of the landscape, your hear is pretty, I’ll try to fall asleep so we can look for skis together in our dreams, I wouldn’t mind spending time with you in the rain or slushy snow, I love hearing you laugh, … I don’t know I’ve sent so much. When I went back home I didn’t stop “don’t forget to apply sunscreen everywhere the sun touches your body, especially that depigmented spot that used to be red of my lipstick, I understand mosquito bite you because I would bite you, no I will not be writing a book but making a film and you can play yourself because i cant find anyone with such beautiful hair beautiful eyes and the list goes on.
she kept replying to these messages. Not exactly to those lines. But she kept replying. Yes I know, very avoidant behaviour. And how did I find the patience. But whatever.
So since ski season is over the texting got less. And I didn’t really like being put on hold … can you imagine? So I decided to do something I‘ve been wanting to do for some time. I wrote down how I felt and made a voice note of it. 7 minutes.
7 minutes of tenderness. Of me telling her how I felt. That I wanted to kiss her. When. That I liked her ordinary life too. And that I wanted a conversation. I only talked about myself since she’s so avoidant. The only things I said in those 7 minutes was: when you looked at my lips, I have the feeling that it’s not all in my head, talk about what from my side and maybe between us. The only thing I asked for was a conversation. And I ended the voice note with “It’s not all heavy or complicated, in the end is loving someone beautiful”
I didn’t expect much from it. Possibly a delay of 2 to 3 days. And then maybe an “it’s complicated“ or an “I don’t know/ I need time“.
Nope. Barely 10 minutes after she listeNed I’ve got a reply. I already knew it wouldn‘t be good.
this was her reply:
“Oulalala.
Well, there I really, really think there is a huge misunderstanding!!!!!
I appreciate you, but as friends.
But really, really nothing more! So you must have made films in your head. Because I am in love with [boyfriends name] and I have never, never felt anything whatsoever for anyone else. Really. So I’m sorry, but really, I think it’s better that we don’t talk to each other at all anymore because this is not at all my world.I wish you happiness going forward, but really, I didn’t think you thought that, and I absolutely don’t share that. So I’m sorry, but I prefer that we don’t talk anymore.”
She blocked me on WhatsApp and unfollowed me and threw me off instagram.
Not: Are you gay? You never told me that? Was it just me? Did I give you signals? What about your boyfriend? Are you okay? I’m not into woman. You were just my best friend. I don’t want to hurt you.
No I’ve got that answer and block
For the record. We’re talking here about 423 messages from her side in less the the last 2 months and more then 73 goodnight messages initiated by her in less then a year
Sooooo… people of Reddit. What are your predictions? Will I hear from her again? When? What will happen?
Any other insights on the situation are welcome. Please enlighten me
She‘s gay or is/was at least into me right?
And people who are curious about my message to her, it was a really pretty one, can always ask me for it :)