How to I make a poly repationship work if I think I prefer monogamy? I need some out of the box weird ideas or new insights to help me cope and learn to live with this. I truely want him to be happy, but I want him too and this is not what I signed up for. I can adjust though, with some help for you all. Maybe some fellow autistic touch-specific people have some interesting ideas? This lifestyle is clearly best for him He's happier and he feels better mentally. But how to make this work for me too?
I am a straight woman, 38 married to a man 39 and our relationship started perfectly normal. Got married and everything. But my partner learned more about himself and felt safe to explore and he rediscovered his bisexuality.
I am proud of him and support him in this very much, but several years ago he started the conversation of wanting something sexually I could not give him. We tried toys. It's not my cup of tea but I can make it work for him. Happy to give him that too. But it's not the same and I can recognize that. He found a male friend he trusted and asked permission to explore his sexuality with the friend. This was completely out of my comfort zone but after a long and hard discussion and setting boundaries I agreed. It's been hard, but if it happens outside the house at least I can pretend it does not happen. He stays safe luckily and still loves me.
Bit by bit though, like boiling water his feeling regarding the male friend changed. He's in love with him too now. Emphasis on the word too. That complicated things for me. My partner loves to cuddle with the friend. The friend is gay and while a lovely man who's polite and decent, we're not eachothers type nor friend. I am not a person who loves to touch other or even sit close to other people (honestly 1,5 meter lockdown rules were a blessing in disguise for me lol), except my husband who's touch I crave.
I don't like being jalous. But I do feel it and I have no idea how to make this work somehow.
Recently the male friend got in between houses/jobs and he moved in with us for a little bit. it's only been 2 months and I am so sick and tired of all the cuddling and their friendship. I sound like a bitter hag I know. It don't want to be a bitter old ahole who gets jealous of her happy partner. But I do miss him. I miss cuddling together, I miss being the one and only one. I acknowledge that he is happier with 2 partners. I acknowledge that there are things I simply cannot give him. But somehow it also opens up old hurts of me being a doormat and getting walked all over. Recently I also got an autism diagnosis and that of course explains and complicates things a bit. I don't like being near people. Sitting next to someone in a restaurant is already a bit much for me, let alone sharing a couch and cuddling with my partner in the middle is way beyond my comfort. I try of course sometimes, he adores it and seeing him happy makes me happy. But it's never something I would initiate.
We've communicated. I've set boundaries and he adheres to them. He genuinely loves me and all in all we have a truely wonderfull relationship. But it this aspect we fundamentally differ and I need advise and maybe also to vent a little. He male friend will live with us for a bit longer, but the house is small. I do get time to myself if I ask for it and we check in with eachother regularly.
And no, I am not divorcing him, he is not cheating, he is a kind and lovely man who genuinely has more love to give. We've been together for almost 20 years and I am not giving up this easily.