Contemplating divorce after 20 years together.
Hi everyone. This is going to be a long post so be patient.
I would like some outside perspective of this. I'm a 44 yr old male and my wife is 45. We've been together for 20 years, married for 15. Before we got married my wife had a job and it paid her decent money, I on the other hand work in construction where it's contract to contract. I was working out of the country at that time and everything was good. I came back home but had work in another province, so we did the distance thing. Before the year that we got married in was finished, she said she wanted to resign and come to be with me. I said it was difficult to find employment here and she shouldn't resign. She did anyway and moved up to where I was. She did try to look for work but was unsuccessful and things started to get a bit tough financially. So I found work out the country again and left her alone in our place. I would come home often and in that time she had 3 miscarriages. She got withdrawn as she was alone and never had family close by for support. We eventually got pregnant so I decided to buy a house back home and we moved again. Our first child was born and the baby became her world. I was pushed aside. I figured she's a new mother and we'll get back to us. That never happened. During this time, even though I repeatedly asked, she stopped looking for employment. Things were starting to get a bit heavy financially on me. A few years later, another baby comes and we go through the same cycle again. All the financial burdens are sitting on me and it's slowly taking it's toll. I come up with the idea of starting something for her to do that will earn some money, I found a way to make start up capital. That didn't last and not a cent of profit. Meanwhile everything is getting more stressful for me as the kids are growing and going to school now and work in construction is sometimes inconsistent. Anyway, during the course of our marriage, I tried a few times to get something started for her but none of them were fruitful. My last attempt was last month where I found a WFH position for her and it provides free training with valid and verified certification. She wasn't too enthusiastic about it but started it. The training is for one month but she only did it for 1 week. I haven't said anything to her. For almost 5 years now my heart just breaks because all I see is my wife on the couch when I leave, my wife on the couch when I get back. We've had numerous fights about this and I always ask what happened to the girl who had life, fire and passion in her. She's a good mother to my children and I have a hot meal when I get back. My thing is I've pleaded numerous times for some financial help but don't get any. I am in serious financial debt and now on chronic medication for high blood pressure. This has got me really thinking about everything and at this point, my brain is telling me to sort myself out and be happy, which I am trying to do. My stress is financial and the only way I see us getting out of it is to sell the house which she does not want to do. I'm thinking divorce and get the debt sorted out and we both have a clean slate and we can sort out parenting. My stress levels will drop and my health will improve.
For those who are going to ask... Yes, our life as a couple has become dull. There's no interesting conversation, just about the children and bills. Sex is rare, in fact, I've given up on it completely.
Please give your thoughts.