My (33f) boyfriend (28m) and I have been together for about a year. I’ve been in serious relationships before but long story short, I’ve never felt this way before. I’m so utterly in love & can really see myself with him forever and I genuinely believe that he is the same. Our friends and family all comment how perfect we are for each other.
We don’t live together yet, I have two teenagers (13m&14m) with my ex and we share custody with me having them 4 nights and him 3. Logistically it doesn’t make sense for us to move in yet as he stays about 30 minutes away and it would mean travelling on a wed/thurs/fri for school pick up and drops offs. So we’ve spoke about moving in etc in the future when the boys leave school as I worry that if I said we were moving in together, they would want to move in to their Dads as it’s closer to school & friends etc.
I recently (2days ago) found out I am unexpectedly pregnant (4wks 3days). I was in shock and I am confused how to feel. It’s not ideal timing, something we spoke about maybe happening in a few years. There seems to be so many more ‘cons’ on my list rather than pros but I’m still struggling with the decision so much
We both have steady jobs with fair incomes but, ideally we’d like to live together to raise a child. Which means the travelling back and forth with my teenagers several times a week with a baby in tow. I have a cat and a dog and he has two cats, so this would be another obstacle to merge.
We would ideally live in his house because it’s bigger and he only has about 19 years left on the mortgage and if we bought somewhere closer to mine, we’d need to extend to around 28-30years just to get a similar monthly payment.
When I told him I was pregnant he was also shocked and his gut reaction is that it isn’t ideal and he didn’t see it in his life for a while as there’s other things he wanted 1st but he will support me no matter what I choose. I said there’s never a ‘perfect time’ for a baby & we’re not planning it, it’s already happened. He works a lot of hours a week and feels like he wants to be in a better position to be a dad and be able to reduce his hours but financially this could be difficult. But I’m happy with doing 90% of the parenting.
I have made a termination assessment appointment but it’s not for another 3 weeks. Logistically I know he is right about everything he’s saying and I agree but there’s that small part of me that wants to keep the baby then I flip again and know what the sensible option would be.
I don’t want to do it on my own, so I wouldn’t make that an option. I worry he’ll be unhappy in the future if we go ahead with the pregnancy and ultimately I’ll be on my own anyway. (He hasn’t suggested that as such, I’m just in my head about it all).
Had anyone been in a similar situation? With merging families, big age gaps, pets and babies 😅