I apologize if the text seems strange, as I am using a translator because I am not experienced in the English language.
I am a Brazilian person who was born in the state of São Paulo, which is currently considered one of the richest states in Brazil (this will be important for this rant), while my friend is from the state of Pernambuco, a state with high cultural and historical value for Brazil. To bring in some nuances of Brazilian history to make this rant make sense (I don't want to be boring talking about history, so I'll try to be brief, even though that might lead to some historiographical errors): Pernambuco was for a long time the economic hub of Brazil, but over time the economy shifted towards the southeast (the region where São Paulo is located), and the northeast (the region where my friend's birth state is located, I forgot to mention that she migrated to São Paulo) ended up being left behind and became a target of prejudice in the southeast (especially in my state).
Returning to my question. My friend comes from that state with a rich culture which she is very proud of, and I envy that. Because the culture and history of my state are based on the genocide of indigenous peoples for the expansion of Brazilian territory, and currently on a market logic that prioritizes the concentration of wealth in São Paulo, bringing considerable inequality. There are things in São Paulo's culture that aren't problematic, but I feel guilty for celebrating them because of this dominating attitude of Paulista culture. What makes it worse is that I'm in an identity vacuum: I'm the daughter of immigrants from the Northeast (from a state that isn't my friend's), but I don't feel entitled to celebrate Northeastern culture, while at the same time I'm a person who, where I live, is seen neither as white nor as black (I'm mixed race). It seems I have nothing to claim as my own identity.
Lately I've been trying to find this identity in art, religion, and studies, but it seems like nothing fills this void.
To avoid any possible misunderstanding: I don't judge my friend for her culture; in fact, I find the culture of that region of Brazil very rich! Many sociologists and politicians come from the state of Pernambuco. Perhaps that's why I feel envious, even though I know it's a negative feeling...