I want to start taking adderall with my Wellbutrin.
Okay so let me start with I went to see a psychiatrist for the first time a month ago. I’ve struggled with intense BED for years and periods of restriction as well. I started to binge so much the past few months and I had to do something. I never wanted to get on meds bc I wanted to be able to do it on my own but it felt like no matter what I tried i couldn’t stop. Before I got into this binge cycle I had lost a lot of weight. I was tracking calories and going to the gym everyday and I had an unhealthy obsession with not missing the gym bc if I missed a day I wanted to die. I wasn’t restricting myself at this time tho. I honestly didn’t go entire days without eating until I got into this binge spiral. I’d say it happened right before the holidays and during the holidays it was out of control. I don’t really know what led to it because I’d have binges here and there but it was never this bad to where I was doing it every single day morning to night. I feel like it could be because I was going through a really bad breakup and maybe the fact that I had not allowed myself to eat certain foods for so long. Anyways it took over my life up until now honestly but I’m doing a lot better. It made me late to things. I already have 0 concept of time and am late to everything but I would legit binge in the mornings when I know I should be using that time to get ready for work. My binges were so long sometimes. I would be in my kitchen for hours it was ridiculous. I hated myself so much I would go to the gym for hours and then repeat the cycle. I like pavlov dog trained myself to expect to binge. Every single time I pulled into my driveway my mind was already prepared for it to happen because I walk in through my kitchen. Sometimes I wouldn’t even sit down or take my shoes off just immediately eating whatever in sight. It felt like I was on auto pilot and have no control over my body. I truly wanted nothing more than to die. I hated seeing old photos of myself because I had at this point gained a little bit of weight from binging. It ruined my relationships. I hated when my family would speak to me or buy me food. I hated that my boyfriend could eat whatever he wanted and not gain weight. I hated that whenever I tried to talk to him or my family they would always give suggestions for what I could do to help as if their suggestions were only that easy. I knew it wasn’t their fault they didn’t understand.
The first person who truly understood what I was going through was my psychiatrist. We talked a lot and she agreed that I was using food as this sort of dopamine hit. Like I hated binging yet it excited me at the same time and I would fantasize on what to binge on. She said she thought I could have adhd and wanted to get me tested but never really followed up on that. Next appointment was a month later. I got prescribed 150mg Wellbutrin at my last appointment which felt great initially but I started to feel like the effects were dwindling. I would go longer without binging. I went from daily to maybe once a week or every 2 weeks. I had like mini binges as well where I’d start but gain consciousness midway and stop myself. I also got rid of the all or nothing mindset bc my binging would be so bad it would go on from morning to night just because I felt like I already messed up my morning by eating donuts or something. It was good to feel more control but I started to feel like my old self creeping up. My next appointment she agreed that we should move up to 300 mg and I’ve been on that for a little over a week now. Immediately better but I ended up having one of my worst binges in a while a few days after. I’m not really sure what triggered it this day but my theory is I can’t hit my pen during the day because I did this day and as soon as I got off work which was a common time for me to binge, I crashed out. And the reason I say it was one of my worst Ina while is because I was unable to stop myself and I didn’t even really want to. I also ate foods I banned because (peanut butter and chips) because know I’ll eat the entire thing. It was my first time having those in a month. Every time I smoke I get ridiculous munchies and as a binge eater already it’s terrible. I quit for a while back in like December-January but I started up again smoking other peoples pens if they had one but getting my own again was lowkey a mistake. So I’ve found that when I take my Wellbutrin in the morning and I wait to smoke until I’ve done all I need to do and it’s bedtime, then I don’t really have to deal with the risk of me binging. But every time I smoke I just want to binge so bad and sometimes I give in bc when ur high u stop gaf. It’s crazy when the people I smoke with don’t even get hungry at all it makes me wonder if binge eaters are more susceptible to getting bad munchies. Anyways I try to smoke as little as possible now and only at night that way I can just go to sleep before the binge demons approach.
Okay so getting to the point here. I want to ask to take adderall with my Wellbutrin but 1. I think you need to actually be diagnosed with adhd and 2. I kind of figured out that it works for me in a bad way. My friend gave me 1 20mg adderall just to see how I’d react. It was genuinely insane how good I felt, on the Wellbutrin I felt more in control of my binging but I’d have food noise creep up on me so much throughout the day especially when I wasn’t busy. With the combination of both it was like silence, and I didn’t fantasize about what I would binge on, if I binged, because this is a common thing I’d do. It was like exactly where I need to be, and I’m not sure if it’s a combination of both or just the adderall but I would honestly like to keep taking Wellbutrin so idk. I was able to eat without wanting more and more and more and sitting in the kitchen for hours I felt satiation for the first time in a while. I want to really bring this up at my next appointment but I think I should avoid telling her about me taking my friends at all costs. It just sucks because I can’t tell her I know it works because I’d have to say why I know it works and I may be wrong but I don’t even think u can get it without an adhd diagnosis. I’ve heard about vyvanse being commonly used for bed so I was surprised she didn’t put me on a stimulant to begin with but I know Wellbutrin sort of acts like one and it is the safer less addictive option. I just don’t want to sound drug seeking but I feel like I found what I need, I just am scared to ask